Saint Patrick Vs. Godzilla!
Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Your pals at Quirk Books would like to celebrate the occasion with that most Irish of gifts: a story. Have you ever wondered who would win in a no holds-barred battle between the beloved Bishop of Ireland and the infamous King of Monsters? Of course you have. Now you can find out, in this free 5-chapter battle royale. Check out the exerpt below, then if you like it download the FREE PDF for the complete senses-shattering saga. It's the Shamrock Saint verse the Green Gargantua…with the fate of all mankind hanging in the balance!
from Chapter 4: Clash of the Icons
OUT IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN, The awful truth was true. Godzilla, the King of Monsters, was on the move.
It had been ages since the great beast was roused from his home beneath the sea, and the enormous gargantua could hardly decide what to do first. He spotted a small fishing vessel which was tossed in the tsunami-like waves created by the enormous reptile’s passage. To Godzilla, the boat seemed no more than a small plastic model bobbing in a tub of water. "Erraaarraaarreeeehahhhhaaaa!" the monster roared, tickled at the idea that he was actually normal-sized and everything around him was tiny. He was in such good humor that he swallowed the boat whole without first snapping it in two.
MEANWHILE, Gary Tananaka and Jimmy Jacko, boy genius, clambered out of the hyperjet, this time placing their feet on the familiar, well-organized soil of the nation of Japan. "Gary," said Jimmy, "Where is everyone? The landing field is deserted!"
"Yes," said Tananaka, "Something's not right. Well, no matter. It’s after five and I'm going home for the day, you just go do whatever it is you do when–"
"OOOOH!!! Gary, look!"
"What is it? Probably nothing important, tell me about it tomorrow." Tananaka's mind was racing: I think there's a shop near here that might sell the same kind of cigarette holder that Scar Brow was using…
Tananaka's ruminations were interrupted by an earth-shaking roar that nearly knocked the duo off their feet. With no other choice, Tananaka turned to view the direction in which the boy was still pointing. And there, against the Tokyo skyline, he saw the great atomic lizard himself, Godzilla, King of Monsters, leaning casually against a skyscraper and picking his teeth with the broadcast antenna of a nearby television station.
"King Mollusk must have released him from beneath the sea, Gary! Remember Scar Brow alluded to a 'giant surprise' when he ambushed us at the lost Tomb of Saint Patrick?"
"Yes, Jimmy. Interesting. Well, I supposed the hyperjet has enough fuel left to carry one of us to a safe distance…"
"If only…” Jimmy mumbled. "Gary, that's it! It’s the perfect time to use this!" He presented to Tananaka a gnarled, crooked, wooden walking stick.
"The beta-shillelagh! The ancient cudgel of Saint Patrick himself! The leprechauns said it contains ancient power!"
"Jimmy, those drunk leprechauns were crazy. You can't go around believing diminutive freaks who live underground. Didn’t you learn anything from the Case of the Missing Mole People last month?"
Jimmy pushed the shillelagh into Tananaka's hands. "We've got to try it! But how to activate its power…"
Tananaka regarded the gnarled club. Maybe a rap across the mouth would shut this kid up.
"I need to eat something to help me think," Jimmy said. "Luckily I have still have part of the professor’s extra corned beef sandwich—the same one that convinced the leprechauns we were on their side."
"Yes, yes, leprechauns, I was there," Tananaka answered. "Jimmy, you're blocking the ladder to the hyperjet cockpit." Off in the distance, Godzilla flicked his tail, wiping out three all-night noodle shops.
"Do you want a bite of my sandwich, Gary?"
"Get that horrible thing out of my face," Tananaka cried. He waved the shillelagh.
The corned beef sandwich struck the ancient sacred wood.
There was a sudden flash of blinding, eldritch green light.
RICK CHILLOT is a former baby and current writer and editor at Quirk Books. He has contributed to magazines such as Psychology Today, Parenting, Mental Floss, and Prevention. In his twenty-plus years in publishing he’s interviewed about a jillion scientists and doctors and therefore had no need to consult any of them for this book.