GLOB: The Gorgeous Ladies of Books + Wrestling Personas
Are YOU ready to meet the Gorgeous Ladies of Books?
You know their names, you’ve read their stories. Now get the inside scoop on these grappling beauties and their signature style in the ring before the next Gorgeous Ladies of Books showdown!
In GLOB, it’s not just about who or how you fight, it’s about the character that sets you apart from the pack and makes you a unique and interesting fighter. New fan? Meet the all-star fighters:
Anne Shirley/Raven Black
Tear away puffed sleeves reveal rippling muscles tattooed with depictions of romantic heroines. Her famous left forearm bears a rendition of the floating Madwoman of Chaillot, a figure that remains highly visible in her figure-4 holds. This gimmick started out small, but over many successful fights, Shirley has gained massive acclaim and developed even larger sleeves that often require her to walk into arena doors sideways. Her alternate heel persona, Raven Black, sports green hair and uses poetry in all her take-down zingers. Both Shirley and Black are infamous for accepting dares.
Intro Music: "Smooth Criminal" (Alien Ant Farm cover)
Catchphrase: “It’s Anne with an E for EVISCERATION”
Signature Moves: Roof-Poling AKA leaping onto an opponent from a roof pole-width beam in the scaffolding above the ring
The American Girls aka THE DOLLS
Nicknamed “The Dolls” by devoted fans, this group of fighters has perfected historical personas with costumes and finishing moves to match. While infighting matches are a spectacle and Dolls regularly fight with one another, they can be relied upon to team up in the face of a challenge from an outsider. New members are frequently announced, but the “History Girls” are considered the ring leaders. Each History Girl enters the ring to remixed versions of American Woman with instrumentals appropriate to their era. Their catalog of merchandise and franchised stores makes them one of the most successful teams in the GLOB league.
Intro Music: "American Woman" (Lenny Kravitz cover)
Catchphrase: “You’re in pleasant company now.”
Signature Moves: Save-the-Day, AKA joining hands, each Doll recognizes the power of friendship, and using those joined hands they clothesline the opposition in a crack-the-whip formation
The Pevensie Girls aka Daughters of Slaughter
This sister tag-teams was associated with their brothers The Pevensie Boys until Edmund Pevensie opted to sign with White Witch Wrestling Empire and turned from face to heel. Susan’s signature attack is the Bowstring, wherein she vaults from the ropes from one side to the other to set up for a takedown. Lucy’s signature move is the Spare-BOOM, wherein she teases the presence of a healing salve, grapples the opponent to the ground with a flying triangle takedown, forcing a submission. Fans refer to a loss at their hands as "Getting Peved."
Intro Music: "Hero" (by Bethany Dillon)
Catchphrase: “Battles are won when women fight.”
Signature Move: Lantern-WASTE Finisher, AKA shattering a stone table over an opposing tag-team
Hermione Granger aka Dentists’ Daughter aka Bright Witch
With personas fighting in the public sphere as well as the wizarding world, Granger has dual contracts and while in the Wizarding World Wrestling Federation matches fights under the name Bright Witch (WWWF fans weren’t familiar with dentists).
More than anything else, Granger is motivated by a lack of respect for rules that don’t make sense. This makes for high drama in matches where opponents have a history of making arbitrary rules or not backing up their claims with evidence. As Bright Witch her fights rely heavily on taunts and studying her opponents’ strengths in order to defeat them. But ultimately Dentists’ Daughter most enjoys re-arranging teeth… by hand.
Intro Music: "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better"
Catchphrase: “I’m Hermione Granger, by the way. Who (air punch) are (air punch) you (air punch)?”
Signature Moves: Expelli-ARMS, AKA locking both arms behind an opponent, she flips them out of the ring in disgrace
Meg Murry aka Four Eyes
The science wiz of GLOB, Murry uses a background in science and a deep brooding anger management problem to thwart her opponents in the ring. A former heel, Murry hasn’t always been a fighter on the side of light; she gained her earliest fans by bucking the judges and other authorities in the wrestling world. Murry began channeling her rage after teaming up with the 3-woman management team Whatsit, Which, & Who that also contracts with her personal coach and younger brother Charles Wallace.
Intro Music: "She Blinded Me with Science" by Thomas Dolby
Catchphrase: “Stay Angry”
Signature Moves: Tesser-Reaction, AKA responding to a dramatic hit or takedown, Murry launches herself off of a turnbuckle head-first into her opponent’s solar plexus, leaving them crushed into just two dimensions.
Nancy Drew aka The Inspector
If you’re looking for a competent fighter who can take down a team without so much as taking off her signature cardigan, then look no further than Nancy Drew. Drew rose through the ranks after spending years as her leagues' youngest assistant trainer, making her an excellent judge of technique and most importantly, weaknesses. This buttoned-up barbarian not only knows how to take out the opposition, she knows when, how, and why it’ll hurt them the most.
Intro Music: "Theme to The Pink Panther"
Catchphrase: “…and that’s not a threat, it’s a well-meant warning.”
Signature Moves: Clue-by-Four, AKA finding a plot-based prop, be it a chair, porcelain urn, or actual 2×4, Nancy cracks the head and then ankles of her opponent with her findings, forcing them down for the count
Matilda Wormwood aka Minds Eye
Wormwood has a particular flair for the dramatic, being a smart, careful, and telekinetic terror in the ring. This fighter is a tough one to peg down, meting out justice on those who do her wrong as frequently as she sticks up for the other bookish ladies in the pack. A talented and well-practiced prankster, tricks like gluing together another fighter’s costume become all the easier when she sets her whole mind to the task. Better a friend than foe, Wormwood is normally a solo fighter, but has expressed to Honey Management that she’s in search of a good tag-team match.
Intro Music: "Where Is My Mind?" by the Pixies
Catchphrase: “Never do anything by halves…if you want to get away with it.”
Signature Moves: Trunchbulldog, AKA summoning the power of her telepathic abilities, Matilda uses her enhanced strength to spin opponents overhead by their hair, releasing them to fly out into the stands
Did you see your favorite GLOB fighter listed here? Who should we have added to the roster? Tell us at @quirkbooks on Twitter!