When Paddington Met Pooh
Winnie the Pooh and Paddington Bear; are there any furrier ursine titans to come out of UK literature? How would this bear of very little brain react to this Peruvian raincoat enthusiast, and vice versa? And, given how easy it is for both of them to get lost, is it too much to imagine that such a meeting might happen when neither of them know where they are? We don’t think so.
WINNIE THE POOH: Hullo, there.
PADDINGTON: Why, hello. This may seem like an odd question…
WINNIE THE POOH: Oh, I do hope so. I quite like odd questions.
PADDINGTON: Then you’ll like this one. Where are we?
WINNIE THE POOH: Hmmm…
WINNIE THE POOH: Nothing. It’s just, that’s not as odd a question as I had hoped.
WINNIE THE POOH: No.
PADDINGTON: Sorry to disappoint.
WINNIE THE POOH: No matter. Would you allow me an odd question?
WINNIE THE POOH: Are you a bear?
PADDINGTON: I believe so. Yes.
WINNIE THE POOH: Oh, wonderful! So am I.
WINNIE THE POOH: Yes, quite thought so.
PADDINGTON: Listen, I don’t mean to be rude…
WINNIE THE POOH: That is very good. Some animals DO mean to be rude, and I do not like their company.
PADDINGTON: Quite. But the fact remains, I still don’t know where we are.
WINNIE THE POOH: Oh. I thought I’d answered that.
PADDINGTON: Not particularly.
WINNIE THE POOH: Well, the fact remains—that is quite a lovely turn of phrase. Do you mind terribly if I borrow it?
PADDINGTON: Please do.
WINNIE THE POOH: The fact remains, is…
WINNIE THE POOH: I’m not certain where we are, either.
WINNIE THE POOH: I was at the Hundred Acre Wood.
PADDINGTON: Yes? Is that where we are now?
WINNIE THE POOH: No. That is not where we are now.
PADDINGTON: I see.
WINNIE THE POOH: I am certain, if I thought about it, I could figure out where are. Think. Think. Think.
PADDINGTON: Does tapping your head like that help?
WINNIE THE POOH: Not really. It is hard to think over the rumblings of my tummy.
PADDINGTON: Oh! I might be able to help, then. I have some marmalade.
WINNIE THE POOH: Is that like honey?
PADDINGTON: Yes. But also no.
WINNIE THE POOH: I see.
PADDINGTON: You do?
WINNIE THE POOH: No.
PADDINGTON: Well, try it anyway.
WINNIE THE POOH: I will! You are right.
WINNIE THE POOH: It is like honey. It is also…not.
WINNIE THE POOH: It is also gone.
PADDINGTON: Oh, dear. Any luck figuring out where we are?
WINNIE THE POOH: Yes. We are not in the Hundred Acre Wood.
PADDINGTON: I see.
WINNIE THE POOH: That is a very fine hat.
PADDINGTON: Thank you. It saved my life.
WINNIE THE POOH: I can see how.
PADDINGTON: You can?
WINNIE THE POOH: Oh, yes. It’s quite obvious.
PADDINGTON: I always believed so.
WINNIE THE POOH: Do you find, as a bear, that it is sometimes difficult being stuffed with fluff?
PADDINGTON: Now, that is an odd question.
WINNIE THE POOH: Thank you.
PADDINGTON: I’m not stuffed with fluff, I don’t think.
WINNIE THE POOH: But you are a bear.
WINNIE THE POOH: Hmmm…I suppose there’s more types of bears than I realized.
PADDINGTON: Well, I am from darkest Peru. Bears there may be different than here.
WINNIE THE POOH: Are we not in Peru?
PADDINGTON: (looks around) No.
WINNIE THE POOH: Well, then. At least we know that.
PADDINGTON: It is comforting.
WINNIE THE POOH: If Christopher Robin were here, I think he would say “If you go back the way you came, eventually, you will be where you started.”
PADDINGTON: Sound advice.
WINNIE THE POOH: Well, I suppose it is goodbye.
PADDINGTON: I suppose so.
WINNIE THE POOH: It was nice to meet another bear. Especially an odd one, such as yourself.
PADDINGTON: Likewise (doffs hat).
Jadzia Axelrod is an author, an illustrator, and a world changer. Throughout her eventful life she has also been a circus performer, a puppeteer, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that she’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it.She is the writer and producer of “The Voice Of Free Planet X” podcast, were she interviews stranded time-travelers, low-rent superheroes, unrepentant monsters and other such creature of sci-fi and fantasy, as well as the podcasts “Aliens You Will Meet” and “Fables Of The Flying City.” The story started in “Fables Of The Flying City” is concluded in The Battle Of Blood & Ink, a graphic novel published by Tor.She is not domestic, she is a luxury, and in that sense, necessary.