The Cutest of Cthulhus (And Why You Should Fear Them)
Many of us are familiar with H. P. Lovecraft’s infamous literary abhorrence of nature: the cosmic entity known to many as Cthulhu. A behemoth cursed with a writhing mass of facial tentacles and wings upon its colossal back, this Eldritch abomination first emerged to haunt the modern man in Lovecraft’s short story, “The Call of Cthulhu.”
Though slumbering deep beneath the Pacific Ocean within the cursed city of R’lyeh, this creature has slithered his way into popular culture through countless retellings, imagery, and iconography.
Perhaps the most terrifying manifestation of this pitiless monstrosity comes to us in its most unassuming form: something I like to call The Cult of Cutethulhu. Fuzzy, cuddly, and adorably practical, the snuggly visage of Cthulhu will find his way into your heart… And then devour you from within.
Take a look at some of the most spine-chilling artifacts that have infiltrated our hearts and souls:
Plush Cthulhu: Start indoctrinating your offspring with Eldritch abominations from an early age!
Hello Cthulhu: Cthulhu and Hello Kitty are the perfect duo to take over and consume the world: who could say no to those adorably kawaii proportions?
Knit Cthulhu: Promoting arts and crafts from Hell! Bonus: Knitting needles double as weaponry upon completion of your woolen horror.
Cthulhu Slippers: These slippers are guaranteed to comfortably lead you to your doom.
Cthulhu Mittens: Keep the blood of your enemies off your hands with these adorkable mittens!
Cthulhu Earrings: These atrociously precious accessories might whisper Eldritch incantations into your ears, consuming what is left of your sanity and self-awareness.
Cthulhu Purse: The perfect storage unit for your knives, scimitars, throwing stars, brass knuckles, bullwhip, etc. Extra pocket for hand sanitizer and a bleach pen (getting those ichor and blood stains out can be so tricky!).
Julia McCarthy has been known to atomically assemble into a girl with a face and hair when in the presence of other beings. When not corporeally hampered, she enjoys reading, writing, editing, and producing educational software for children’s publishing. She hopes to move to the sovereign island country of Niue to spend her autumn days using Pokemon-themed currency and taking advantage of the free Wi-Fi.