Mommy Bloggers of the Literary World
In the past decade, women have birthed babies and blogged about it, as well as blogged about other motherly happenings in the mother-hood. But what if some famous literary moms had their own blogs about their misadventures in childrearing? Or how they get by day to day in the mamasphere? Here are the blogs some moms of literature, MOLS for short, would write.
“Raising a Spinster”
In Bridget Jones’s Diary, Pamela, B’s mum, leaves her family to have an affair. Now she has a blog where she tells her tales of leaving the family home for another man. She warns against this as it can have a snowball effect on everyone – including her spinster daughter, Bridge. She gives alternatives to running away such as throwing a party to set up your overweight child with the man of your dreams. After all, mother knows best. At the end of each blog is a low-cal recipe for all of Bridget’s favorite comfort foods paired with certain wines to get through a break up or being cheated on or ghosted.
“Bucket of Hope”
Mrs. Bucket, Charlie Bucket’s mom from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory would definitely have a self-help blog about never giving up on hope. She would give advice on which sensible shoes to wear when you have to wash laundry all day and then go home to make cabbage soup for the family of six – four of whom share a bed. Mrs. B has to have hope to get her through the days, otherwise she will literally drown herself in the wash bucket or pot of cabbage soup. Since Charlie inherited Wonka’s chocolate factory, Mrs. Bucket now blogs from the comforts of top floor of the factory, and has an aversion to doing laundry and eating soup.
“The Magic of Motherhood”
Molly Weasley is a mum to a bunch of redheads (let us bow down now) and opens her home to Harry and Hermione… and always has dinner on the table – and not just chicken nuggets – but like, real food. Not to mention, she knows when her kids have done something wrong. How does she do it? She explains in her blog that, “It is all magic and all you need is a wand.” Is that all, Molly? Every mother’s wish is to have a magic wand. Molly’s blog may only apply to wizards, as muggles might get jealous. But no use in mom-shaming her because she can just say some words that make zero sense to a muggle and turn you into a gargoyle. Best to read Molly’s blog in awe.
“Quilting the Fabric of America”
Ma Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie would have written all of her blogs by hand and have them delivered by Pony Express. Typewriters, let alone, the internet, were not around back then. But her blogs would give advice about how to make lemons out of lemonade when it comes to sharing an outhouse, reading by candlelight (while not catching yourself on fire), and making one evening meal that everyone must eat, because there are starving children on the next prairie over. She would be appalled and surely judge all of the distracted parenting going on today. Distracted parenting in Ma’s world is hanging the laundry to dry and having her panties be swept away by a gust of wind, while Laura asks her a question about arithmetic. That’s distracted parenting on the prairie. Ma would give advice on how to balance moments like that and advise that knitting a quilt can ease that angst. She has many nifty quilt patterns on her blog that would brighten up any home – whether it’s for the wall or the bed.
“Star Crossed and Heartbroken”
Lady Capulet is Juliet’s biological mother, but we all know that the Nurse truly raised her. Lady C's blog would be about trying to keep two star-crossed lovers apart and how to get along with thy neighbor. She would lament how difficult it is to make other mommy friends, because as you know, when you have frenemies like Lady Montague, finding that one true mommy companion is key. Lady C waxes on about the difficulties raising a teenage daughter whose hormones have run amuck and how to really be careful about who your daughter dates. Once in a while she lets the Nurse be a guest blogger, but will heavily edit anything she doesn’t agree with.
Jill Effron is a writer of Facebook status updates and blogs. Before that, she spent over ten years working in every genre of television. Outside of the TV world, Effron wrote, directed and produced plays and award-winning short films.