Cards to Fictional Friends
[Photo by Kate Macate on Unsplash]
Today is National Send a Card to a Friend Day! To celebrate this day, we imagined what letters fictional friends would send to each other. Just don’t think too hard about how the letters were delivered; we’re not quite sure how letters are sent to Oz or how Owl puts stamps on postcards.
The Sign of Four by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
I hope you are enjoying your honeymoon with Mary. I have the advantage of knowing your habits, and I know you are relaxing and not using your skills of detection (as small as they may be) to solve cases. Have no fear; I have found a jewel thief and a murderer while you have been away. I know you are amazed that I have been so productive in such a short period of time, but it is all deduction. But you should have guessed that, Watson, you know my methods.
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
I am glad you have a brain now, so you can read my letter. Now that I am home, I just want to go back to Oz. Things are so boring here. All Aunt Em and Uncle Henry make me do is farm chores. There are no witches or flying monkeys here. Please tell me how the Emerald City is. I am green with envy; everything is colorless here. I miss you so!
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
The Lost Boys and I miss you very much. We miss having you as a mother, and the adventures we have are not the same without you. The pirates seem less fearsome and the mermaids are less exciting. Since we need a girl in our lives, I have come to take your daughter, Jane, to be our mother. I don’t want you to worry; she will go on our grand adventures with us, and then she will be returned to you.
Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne
Editor’s Note: We have corrected Owl’s poor spelling and grammar for readability. Trust us, his writing would hurt your eyes.
Owl is helping me write this letter to you, because I don’t know how to write. I know you are a Very Small Animal, so I went to go fight Heffalumps to protect you. As I looked for them, I found a pot of honey. I began eating honey, because it is a vey good thing to do. But my head got caught in the honey pot, and Owl had to help me. Now I am writing this letter to you. I plan to go outside and do Nothing because it is a hummy sort of day.
The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien
I hope you are healing in the Grey Havens. All is well here. Rosie and I are taking good care of Bag End, don’t you worry. We have thirteen children, which is an awfully large number, but we manage. They make us happy, even if they get a bit noisy at times. Even with all their ruckus, they are nothing compared to Gollum or an Orc. I am sure you are happy with the lovely elves. Even though I am glad you are in a good place, I still miss you.
Sarah Fox is an editor, writer, writing consultant, and pop culture enthusiast. Besides regularly contributing to Quirk Books’ blog, she has published an edition of William Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and Pembroke Welsh Corgi. You can find her online at www.thebookishfox.com.