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The recent surge of movies and shows based on superheroes seems nowhere near running out of steam. And sure, seeing comic book icons come to life on the silver screen is cool and all, but what about everyone the zeitgeist sort of forgot? What about a movie for The League of Regrettable Superheroes? Oh look, and we already took care of the casting...

 

Created by: Frank Thomas Debuted in: Keen Detective Funnies Vol. 2, No. 12 (Centaur Publications, December 1939) © 1939 Centaur Publications

The Eye

We’re starting with the very literal The Eye: an actual eyeball just floating around crime-fighting because even under the regrettable umbrella we still think it’s awesome. While The Eye (aka Detective Eye) had plenty of powers, being just a floating eyeball meant it had to rely on humans to help with the actual crime-fighting. Does that remind you of anyone? Well not the being an eyeball part but the needing agents help—we’re thinking of Finch from Person of Interest, played by Michael Emerson. Emerson did such a great job not only physically acting (which won’t be needed in this role) but also speaking to his agents during many crises through Bluetooth earpieces that we think his voicing The Eye would be perfect.

 

Created by: Robert Kanigher and Louis Ferstadt Debuted in: The Bouncer, unnumbered issue (Fox Features, 1944)  © 1944 Fox Features

The Bouncer

The Bouncer’s superpower is bouncing like a rubber ball and his secret identity is a statue. Maybe this is where we remind you the title is “Regrettable Superheroes.” Anyways we actually have a perfect actor for the role considering The Bouncer once wrestled Hercules and there’s only one person we think could have done that: The Rock! Given that he actually played Hercules in a film we’re probably not alone here. Plus, who’d say no to a statue of The Rock? Currently starring on HBO’s Ballers, Dwayne Johnson has proved he’s more than The Rock’s wrestling persona and can act outside the ring. We’re happy to take both Dwayne Johnson and The Rock for The Bouncer.

 

 

Created by: Otto Binder and Bill Draut Debuted in: Double-Dare Adventures #1 © 1966 by Harvey Comics

Bee-Man

After a little run in with mutant space bees Barry E. Eames went from crook to good guy Bee-Man to working for the FBI—yup, it's a hive full of bee pun opportunities. We’d love to see him played up as a campy character. So who do we think can pull this off while making audiences love him instead of annoying them? Damon Wayans Jr. We loved him in Happy Endings for playing a character who was often ridiculous, so we know he’ll make this character hilarious on-screen.

 

 

Created by: George Tuska Debuted in: Dynamic Comics#1

Lady Satan

Whether she’s fighting a room full of villains with her chlorine gas gun or black magic, Lady Satan is a kickass woman who looks glamorous while fighting in an evening dress. If we were casting based solely on the artwork, Krysten Ritter screams to mind, but she’s currently busy being Jessica Jones which leaves us with a huge pool of awesome actresses to pick from... And the winner is Sarah Shahi who we fell in love with as she gleefully fought bad guys on Person of Interest—including in a gown at a black tie event. (No, you’ve been binging POI on Netflix.) And just in case Shahi is busy with Nancy Drew we’ve even thought of a backup: Evangeline Lilly, because we spent all of Ant-Man dying to see her save the day.

 

Which Regrettable Superheroes would you love to see and who’d you want to play them?


Jamie Canaves's picture

Jamie Canaves

Jamie Canaves creates for Dinky Cow, tumbles, chirps, writes, and loves everything ‘80s. Her happily-ever-after is living inside a seaside bookstore equally stocked with chocolate—please slide pizza under door.