Worst-Case Wednesday: How to Survive a Love Triangle with a Werewolf and a Vampire
Or just date someone who is a combination of both.
Like many Hollywood monsters often do, Worst-Case Wednesday has returned.
Today we’ve got an excerpt from the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Paranormal. David Borgenicht and Ben H. Winters dish out sage wisdom on how to handle a love triangle with a werewolf and a vampire. If the worlds of Twilight, True Blood, and/or Underworld ever come to be, this might be an issue you’ll have to deal with.
Because damn, those vampires and werewolves are handsome.
How to Survive a Love Triangle with a Werewolf and a Vampire
1. JUGGLE: Use a calendar to block off the best times to be with each creature according to its own infernal cycles. Plan dates with the werewolf for nights with a waning moon so that he’s not preoccupied with the physical challenges of transformation; with the vampire, schedule together time on nights with a fuller moon and for just after he has recently feasted, when he will be sated and more ready to engage in other activities.
2. TAKE YOUR TIME: Both partners enjoy eternal life, so don’t feel rushed to make up your mind for their sakes.
3. BE HONEST: When either relationship becomes serious, inform each creature that you are involved with the other make clear the priority in which you hold the relationship.
4. AVOID SCENES: Both werewolves and vampires possess ferocious animal instincts and are quick to anger. Try not to let them encounter the other, especially in your presence.
5. FIND A NICE HUMAN BOY: Break up with both monsters. Move to a new town and pray for your own safety and that of your new beau.
ERIC SMITH is the cofounder of Geekadelphia, a popular blog covering all-that-is-geek in the City of Brotherly Love, as well as the Philadelphia Geek Awards, an annual awards show held at the Academy of Natural Sciences. He’s written for the Philadelphia Inquirer, Philadelphia Weekly, and Philly.com