Worst-Case Wednesday: How To Beat Death At Chess
We've all heart about making deals with Death, but what about when Death just wants to relax? He has feelings, too, you know. When he's not swapping fame and fortune for unsuspecting souls, everyone knows Death likes to kick back with a friendly game of chess. Of course, he's been around for eternity, which means he has more than a few tricks up those sleeves of his. (And they are big sleeves.) This means you need to resort to some wilier tactics to win, but not to worry! We've got your back, thanks to The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook: Paranormal Edition.
1. Distract Death. Point over Death's shoulder and ask, "Hey, is that Elvis?" When he looks, quickly and quietly move one of your pieces to a more advantageous position.
2. Question Death. Ask Death if he's sure if that's his next move. If he says yes, raise your eyebrows and say, "OK, that's cool." If Death then says, "Wait, hold on a second," sigh heavily and say, "Fine."
3. Go to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, consult a strategy book or miniature board.
4. Use accomplices. Many people hold a grudge against Death and may be enlisted to distract him or surreptitiously feed you moves.
5. Demand a rematch. Complain loudly about every aspect of the game. Appeal to Death's vanity by saying, "If you really want to win that way, fine. Whatever. Kill me."
6. Ask to play Scrabble instead. Death is terrible at Scrabble.