To Boldly Go Where No Fan Has Con-ed Before
I grew up in a Star Trek household. Indoctrinated at a young age, my parents dressed me up as a baby red shirt for my first Halloween, which I still maintain was gross child endangerment. Understandably, I am exceedingly pumped for all the post-blockbuster Star Trek hubbub going on this summer in my own backyard, New York City!
If you haven't checked out Quirk's Trekkie tome, Night of the Living Trekkies by Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall, then you definitely should. In the style of a retro mystery rag, this book is a fusion of Goosebumps and Star Trek The Magazine. There are cute easter eggs for hardcore fans of the franchise, but you can enjoy it even if you can’t tell a Klingon from a Cardassian. As a born-and-raised super Trekkie, I officially give it two Spock hand signs up.
The book takes place at a Star Trek convention wherein zombietimes ensue. On Friday, I myself am attending a 50th anniversary Star Trek convention, the crowning jewel of a summer chock full of Star Trek events that are making me way too excited than is reasonable in the presence of so many silicon face bumps. The convention is happening on September 2-4 at the Javits Center in New York City. And so, after reading Night of the Living Trekkies, I can’t help but grow worried for the fate of my fellow niche franchise enthusiasts and I. Let’s face it: even on the best of days, New Yorkers walk like they're fleeing from Godzilla. Despite what the first Toby McGuire Spiderman would lead us to believe, I don’t know for sure how the bourroughs would handle a bloodthirsty green dude wearing too much stage makeup. I mean, what if the events of this book herald real danger? After all, 2016 has kind of become pseudo-apocalyptic thus far anyway.
Who is to say that zombies aren't next? WAIT, DIDN’T GEORGE TAKEI GUEST STAR IN THE COMMUNITY EPISODE ABOUT ZOMBIES?! DON’T TELL ME THAT ISN’T SOME KIND OF OMEN, PEOPLE.
After careful and obsessively unnecessary deliberation, here are 6 foolproof ways I've devised to survive a Star Trek convention-based outbreak of zombie apocalypse. Or just a regular Star Trek convention. The distinction between the two is a thin, thin line…
1. Create a schedule to plan out your day
This is useful when figuring out when exactly you should be free to pencil yourself in for fighting and/or cowering in fear from the intergalactic zombie hoards.
2. Charge your gadgets and bring battery packs just in case!
Because who knows how valuable the firsthand documentation of the early days of the outbreak will be to future historians once society has rebuilt?
3. Travel light
To flee faster.
4. Know where the food and drinks are located
So you can make a strategy for periodic supply runs to bring back to your barricade with the other survivors.
5. Get into the spirit with costumes!
If you wear the attire of the fallen, their sacrifice will hide your scent from the undead.
6. Swag booths are always good places to find mementos
Because just because civilization as we know it is falling does not mean we cannot still support local artisans.
7. Prioritize which events you want to see the most
Meet-and-greets and autograph signings are a great way to casually gauge the real life swordsmanship of George Takei. We need you, George. This is our lives now.