Star Wars Characters React to December Movie Trailers
Han: Tell me again what we’re doing here?
Leia: We agreed to watch some movie trailers for December releases.
Han: What is a movie trailer? What’s December? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Rey: A movie trailer is a short video made to entice you to watch a movie, which is a two-hour story acted out on screen. And December is one Earth-month.
Han: I like this girl.
Finn: She’s all right.
Luke: Are we all here? I’m excited to see these. I’ve never seen a movie but it sounds fun.
Rey: I’m starting the first one now!
Collateral Beauty (December 16)
Rey: Oh no, he lost his child. Poor man.
Finn: Why would you write letters to time and love?
Leia: It makes sense to me.
Han: Me too.
Luke: What’s Santa Claus?
Rey: I’ll explain it to you later.
Finn: Are these people supposed to be real?
Luke: Maybe they’re Force ghosts.
Rey: I don’t think they have the Force here.
Luke: The Force is everywhere.
Finn: They don’t look like Force ghosts.
Han: How would you know what a Force ghost looks like?
Finn: How would you?
Leia: Will you two be quiet?
Rey: Look how happy he was with his daughter.
Finn: I don’t understand what’s going on in this but I want to find out.
Rey: I agree.
Leia: It looks very sweet but I don’t know if I can watch it.
Luke: Han, are you crying?
Han: [sniffling] Don’t talk to me.
Assassin’s Creed (December 21)
Luke: So he’s a prisoner.
Leia: And he escapes without going down a garbage chute.
Han: Lucky guy.
Finn: But now they’re forcing him to become a soldier? That hits a little too close to home.
Luke: Have they built a machine that can give him Force visions of the past?
Rey: Wait, is that what a Force vision looks like?
Luke: Similar. Why?
Rey: …No reason.
Finn: He’s accepting his conditioning really quickly.
Han: How is everyone jumping so far?
Luke: Has to be the Force.
Rey: I told you they don’t have the Force here.
Luke: Now they’re talking about destiny. I can relate to this.
Leia: Your destiny looked a little different than this.
Luke: Not that different.
Leia: [withering look]
Finn: Captain Phasma would love this.
Luke: Look, it’s a droid!
Han: Finally something normal.
Rey: Primitive droid, if it has to be controlled remotely. No wonder she’s not impressed.
Finn: Whoa, that droid looks like a person. Why would you do that? That’s creepy.
Leia: A hundred and twenty years to get to their destination? Do they not have a hyperdrive?
Han: Those break all the time.
Rey: And their hibernation pods broke too.
Leia: This ship makes Star Destroyers look tiny.
Rey: It may be bigger, but nothing seems to work.
Luke: Now their droids are malfunctioning.
Finn: Is everything on this ship broken?
Han: There goes the artificial gravity, so, yes.
Rey: They should’ve brought a mechanic along.
Luke: Oh, there’s a reason they woke up early.
Han: Yeah, because their technology stinks.
Sing (December 21)
Finn: What… is that thing?
Rey: Doesn’t look like an Earth human. Must be an alien of some kind.
Han: Not any alien I’ve ever seen.
Luke: Is this even real? It doesn’t look real.
Leia: Sometimes the creatures in our galaxy don’t look real either.
Luke: But none of this looks real!
Han: I’m with you, kid. This is creeping me out.
Rey: I kind of like it. So it’s just about singing aliens?
Luke: Fake singing aliens.
Finn: He says they have to work harder than they’ve ever worked in their lives, but all they’re doing is singing.
Rey: I think the singing is the work.
Finn: Let them try Stormtrooper training sometime, then come talk to me.
Luke: Life on Earth must be pretty simple if all these aliens are worried about is a singing competition.
Han: I’m still not convinced they’re aliens.
Finn: Then what are they?
Han: Kid, I have no idea what any of this is.
Hidden Figures (December 25)
Leia: I can tell that man a few things about women in space programs.
Luke: Is that unusual on Earth?
Rey: I think so.
Han: That doesn’t make any sense.
Rey: No it doesn’t.
Finn: Now they’re saying they’ve never put a human in space before when that other movie was all in space.
Luke: I think this one is supposed to take place a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
Finn: Ah, that makes more sense.
Han: Why do they keep referring to them as ‘white men?’ They’re not wearing white.
Rey: They’re referring to the color of their skin.
Han: Does ‘white’ mean something different on Earth than it does here?
Rey: …Yes and no.
Finn: Wait, so when they say equal rights, they mean rights are given according to skin color?
Leia: And gender, it seems.
Finn: That’s awful. But these women are amazing.
Rey: They really are.
Leia: They should come work for me. I’d give them much better positions than these men are.
Luke: Early Earth spaceships are really slow.
Han: And their maneuverability could use a lot of work.
Rey: It’s the first one! Our first ships weren’t all the Millennium Falcon.
Han: Nothing is.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (December 16)
Finn: Wait, I know those uniforms.
Leia: The Empire hasn’t used uniforms like that since I was a teenager.
Luke: Is that Mon Mothma?
Han: She’s so young.
Rey: Perhaps this is like the last movie, it takes place in the past?
Finn: That would mean the super weapon they’re talking about is —
Leia: The Death Star.
Luke: I didn’t think I’d ever have to see another Death Star.
Han: Not after we worked so hard to blow it up. Twice.
Leia: Did they just say Rogue One?
Finn: Should I know what that is?
Leia: These are the people who stole the plans to the Death Star for me.
Luke: I thought that was the Bothans?
Rey: That was the second one.
Leia: I’d heard what happened, but I never thought I’d see it.
Finn: Where were you all when this was going on?
Leia: I was working with the Rebel Alliance, preparing to transport the plans.
Luke: I was on Tatooine, working on my aunt and uncle’s moisture farm.
Han: I was involved in some… discreet smuggling.
Luke: You mean you were hiding from Jabba.
Han: No one asked you.
Rey: I wish I could’ve been there to see this.
Finn: Me too.
Leia: These people were heroes. We owe them a great debt.
Luke: Is that my father? I need to lie down.
Lauren is a writer of YA speculative fiction and a dedicated eater of queso. She lives in Middle Tennessee with her husband, two daughters, and a half-blind dog. When she’s not busy with her family, binge-watching TV shows, or writing books about dragons or superheroes, she can probably be found on Twitter, or in close proximity to coffee, tacos, or a bookstore.