Star Wars Characters React to December Movie Trailers

Posted by Lauren Thoman

Han: Tell me again what we’re doing here?

Leia: We agreed to watch some movie trailers for December releases.

Han: What is a movie trailer? What’s December? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Rey: A movie trailer is a short video made to entice you to watch a movie, which is a two-hour story acted out on screen. And December is one Earth-month.

Han: I like this girl.

Finn: She’s all right.

Luke: Are we all here? I’m excited to see these. I’ve never seen a movie but it sounds fun.

Rey: I’m starting the first one now!



Collateral Beauty (December 16)

Rey: Oh no, he lost his child. Poor man.

Finn: Why would you write letters to time and love?

Leia: It makes sense to me.

Han: Me too.

Luke: What’s Santa Claus?

Rey: I’ll explain it to you later.

Finn: Are these people supposed to be real?

Luke: Maybe they’re Force ghosts.

Rey: I don’t think they have the Force here.

Luke: The Force is everywhere.

Finn: They don’t look like Force ghosts.

Han: How would you know what a Force ghost looks like?

Finn: How would you?

Leia: Will you two be quiet?

Rey: Look how happy he was with his daughter.

Finn: I don’t understand what’s going on in this but I want to find out.

Rey: I agree.

Leia: It looks very sweet but I don’t know if I can watch it.

Luke: Han, are you crying?

Han: [sniffling] Don’t talk to me.


Assassin’s Creed (December 21)

Luke: So he’s a prisoner.

Leia: And he escapes without going down a garbage chute.

Han: Lucky guy.

Finn: But now they’re forcing him to become a soldier? That hits a little too close to home.

Luke: Have they built a machine that can give him Force visions of the past?

Rey: Wait, is that what a Force vision looks like?

Luke: Similar. Why?

Rey: …No reason.

Finn: He’s accepting his conditioning really quickly.

Han: How is everyone jumping so far?

Luke: Has to be the Force.

Rey: I told you they don’t have the Force here.

Luke: Now they’re talking about destiny. I can relate to this.

Leia: Your destiny looked a little different than this.

Luke: Not that different.

Leia: [withering look]

Finn: Captain Phasma would love this.


Luke: Look, it’s a droid!

Han: Finally something normal.

Rey: Primitive droid, if it has to be controlled remotely. No wonder she’s not impressed.

Finn: Whoa, that droid looks like a person. Why would you do that? That’s creepy.

Leia: A hundred and twenty years to get to their destination? Do they not have a hyperdrive?

Han: Those break all the time.

Rey: And their hibernation pods broke too.

Leia: This ship makes Star Destroyers look tiny.

Rey: It may be bigger, but nothing seems to work.

Luke: Now their droids are malfunctioning.

Finn: Is everything on this ship broken?

Han: There goes the artificial gravity, so, yes.

Rey: They should’ve brought a mechanic along.

Luke: Oh, there’s a reason they woke up early.

Han: Yeah, because their technology stinks.


Sing (December 21)

Finn: What… is that thing?

Rey: Doesn’t look like an Earth human. Must be an alien of some kind.

Han: Not any alien I’ve ever seen.

Luke: Is this even real? It doesn’t look real.

Leia: Sometimes the creatures in our galaxy don’t look real either.

Luke: But none of this looks real!

Han: I’m with you, kid. This is creeping me out.

Rey: I kind of like it. So it’s just about singing aliens?

Luke: Fake singing aliens.

Finn: He says they have to work harder than they’ve ever worked in their lives, but all they’re doing is singing.

Rey: I think the singing is the work.

Finn: Let them try Stormtrooper training sometime, then come talk to me.

Luke: Life on Earth must be pretty simple if all these aliens are worried about is a singing competition.

Han: I’m still not convinced they’re aliens.

Finn: Then what are they?

Han: Kid, I have no idea what any of this is.


Hidden Figures (December 25)

Leia: I can tell that man a few things about women in space programs.

Luke: Is that unusual on Earth?

Rey: I think so.

Han: That doesn’t make any sense.

Rey: No it doesn’t.

Finn: Now they’re saying they’ve never put a human in space before when that other movie was all in space.

Luke: I think this one is supposed to take place a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Finn: Ah, that makes more sense.

Han: Why do they keep referring to them as ‘white men?’ They’re not wearing white.

Rey: They’re referring to the color of their skin.

Han: Does ‘white’ mean something different on Earth than it does here?

Rey: …Yes and no.

Finn: Wait, so when they say equal rights, they mean rights are given according to skin color?

Leia: And gender, it seems.

Finn: That’s awful. But these women are amazing.

Rey: They really are.

Leia: They should come work for me. I’d give them much better positions than these men are.

Luke: Early Earth spaceships are really slow.

Han: And their maneuverability could use a lot of work.

Rey: It’s the first one! Our first ships weren’t all the Millennium Falcon.

Han: Nothing is. 


Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (December 16)

Finn: Wait, I know those uniforms.

Leia: The Empire hasn’t used uniforms like that since I was a teenager.

Luke: Is that Mon Mothma?

Han: She’s so young.

Rey: Perhaps this is like the last movie, it takes place in the past?

Finn: That would mean the super weapon they’re talking about is —

Leia: The Death Star.

Luke: I didn’t think I’d ever have to see another Death Star.

Han: Not after we worked so hard to blow it up. Twice.

Leia: Did they just say Rogue One?

Rey: Oh!

Finn: Should I know what that is?

Leia: These are the people who stole the plans to the Death Star for me.

Luke: I thought that was the Bothans?

Rey: That was the second one.

Leia: I’d heard what happened, but I never thought I’d see it.

Finn: Where were you all when this was going on?

Leia: I was working with the Rebel Alliance, preparing to transport the plans.

Luke: I was on Tatooine, working on my aunt and uncle’s moisture farm.

Han: I was involved in some… discreet smuggling.

Luke: You mean you were hiding from Jabba.

Han: No one asked you.

Rey: I wish I could’ve been there to see this.

Finn: Me too.

Leia: These people were heroes. We owe them a great debt.

Luke: Is that my father? I need to lie down.

Lauren Thoman

Lauren Thoman

Lauren is a writer of YA speculative fiction and a dedicated eater of queso. She lives in Middle Tennessee with her husband, two daughters, and a half-blind dog. When she’s not busy with her family, binge-watching TV shows, or writing books about dragons or superheroes, she can probably be found on Twitter, or in close proximity to coffee, tacos, or a bookstore.