[TV still from Doctor Who, BBC]
We all love the Doctor, love to hate the Master, and vaguely remember the Rani. But what of the other Time Lords we never hear about? Here’s a collection of inhabitants from the Doctor’s home planet of Gallifrey who have never appeared on the Doctor Who television show, the radio plays, or the numerous tie-in novels. Often with good reason.
No one goes deeper than the Plumber, the legends say. She’s an expert on the backways and hidden systems of time and space. The Plumber understands that everything in existence—be it a sentient organism, a city, a planet, or a galaxy—is only as good as the way it processes its waste. And when the filth gets backed up, it’s up to the Plumber to flush it back out again, with her hyper-plunger. The Plumber does not use a TARDIS, preferring instead to travel by her Time Or Omnidirectional Lift (TOOL) belt.
The universe is a mess; someone has to organize it. Enter, the Cataloguer. The Cataloguer never leaves his library, but when your library is the size of the universe, he doesn’t really need to. Rather, the Cataloguer shifts things and places into his library, makes his notes, and then politely shifts them back. Unless they touch something while they’re in the library, then he gets considerably less polite. He didn’t spent the last millennia organizing everything for you to come mucking about with your filthy fingers or tentacles or whatever phalanges people are sporting this year.
Sometimes the universe can’t be reasoned with. In those cases, you’re going to need the Scrapper. This self-taught fighter wants nothing more than to punch the universe in the face, and gosh darn it, she’s going to give it her best shot. While frequently looked upon as “needless combative” by her fellow Time Lords, the Scrapper nonetheless is a respected member of her community. If you’re ever in a bar fight with time and space, you’re going to want the Scrapper to have your back.
He just really likes knives, okay? If you meet him, don’t make any sort of contact—physical, verbal, eye, none of it. He…ah…really, really likes those knives.
The universe is without end. But that’s never stopped the Closer from trying to create them where she sees fit. The last word in definitive action, the Closer has never let her means stop her from justifying her ends. Whether she’s freezing you in your tracks with her sonic gavel, or just getting the last word with her heart-stopping wit, there’s no denying her effectiveness at creating endings. She’s the fat lady singing at the end of the universe, and she’ll do it whether you like it or not.
A relentlessly positive itinerant philosopher, the Toaster is always happy to raise a GLASS (Galactic Liquid Assessment & Sipping Siphon) to you and yours. Though he is never one to waste a drink, this Bacchanalian bedeviler has flummoxed far more sober nemeses in his day. It's said that it takes a brave soul to smile to your enemy’s face and mean it, so the Toaster may be the bravest soul in all existence. To the Toaster, everything in the universe has something worth crowing about—and he’ll find it, whether you like it or not.
Margery doesn’t have time for silly names. Just Margery will do fine, thank you. Maybe if everyone in Galifrey didn’t spend all their time trying to be clever, they wouldn’t need her to clean up after them all the time. Seriously, the things you people get up to. Margery has half a mind to turn space-time right around and go back. In her opinion, it would be the first sensible thing a Time Lord would have ever done.
Jadzia Axelrod is an author, an illustrator, and a world changer. Throughout her eventful life she has also been a circus performer, a puppeteer, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that she’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it.She is the writer and producer of “The Voice Of Free Planet X” podcast, were she interviews stranded time-travelers, low-rent superheroes, unrepentant monsters and other such creature of sci-fi and fantasy, as well as the podcasts “Aliens You Will Meet” and “Fables Of The Flying City.” The story started in “Fables Of The Flying City” is concluded in The Battle Of Blood & Ink, a graphic novel published by Tor.She is not domestic, she is a luxury, and in that sense, necessary.