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You keep your action figures in their original packaging. Your closets are full of officially licensed Star Wars merchandise. You’re hooked on Elder Scrolls and Metal Gear but now you’ve discovered an even bigger obsession: the new girl who just moved in down the hall.

What’s a geek to do? Take some tips from The Geek’s Guide to Dating. This hilarious primer is jam-packed with cheat codes, walkthroughs, and power-ups for navigating the perils and pitfalls of your love life with ease. Geeks of all ages will find answers to the ultimate questions of life, the universe, and everything romantic, from First Contact to The Fellowship of the Ring and beyond. Full of whimsical 8-bit illustrations, The Geek’s Guide to Dating will teach fanboys everywhere to love long and prosper.

Based on the hugely popular blog of the same name, Born This Way shares more than 100 different memories of growing up LGBTQ. Childhood photographs are accompanied by sweet, funny, and at times heartbreaking personal stories. This intimate little hardcover is a wonderful gift for all members of the LGBTQ community as well as their friends and families.

Like Dan Savage’s It Gets Better Project, Born This Way gives young people the courage to say, “Yes, I’m gay. And I was born this way. I’ve known it since I was very young, and this is my story.”

PAUL VITAGLIANO is DJ Paul V., a club and radio DJ, events promoter, music-reviews writer, blogger, and self-titled “promosexual.” His blog (bornthiswayblog.com) has achieved more than 3.9 million views since its debut in January 2011. He lives in Los Angeles.

One enchanting romance. Two lovers keeping secrets. And a uniquely crafted book that binds their stories forever.

When Evelyn Morgan walked into the village bookstore, she didn’t know she would meet the love of her life. When Brendan Thorne handed her a medieval romance, he didn’t know it would change the course of his future. It was almost as if they were the cursed lovers in the old book itself…

The Thorn and the Blossom is a remarkable literary artifact: You can open the book in either direction to decide whether you’ll first read Brendan’s, or Evelyn’s account of the mysterious love affair. Choose a side, read it like a regular novel—and when you get to the end, you’ll find yourself at a whole new beginning.

THEODORA GOSS won the World Fantasy Award in 2008 for her short story “The Singing of Mount Abora” and has been repeatedly showcased in the Year’s Best Fantasy & Horror series. She lives in Boston, where she teaches literature at Boston University. Illustrator SCOTT MCKOWEN lives in Stratford, Ontario

Here are more than one hundred news stories of high-school sweethearts, college hook-ups, dating disasters, weddings, divorces, and restraining orders. From “18-Year-Old Miraculously Finds Soulmate In Hometown” to “Couple Forgets 70th Wedding Anniversary,” these reports capture the heartbreak and hilarity of the human experience.

The Onion is America’s Finest News Source. It is the last bastion of unbiased, reliable, and definitive news in a world dominated by superficiality, mediocrity, and non-Onion news outlets. Since its founding back in 1988, The Onion has expanded into an omnipotent news empire reaching millions of fans through print, broadcast, radio, online, and mobile outlets. Today, The Onion misinforms more than 1.5 million readers in print and 7.5 million online each month.

Here are more than one hundred news stories of high-school sweethearts, college hook-ups, dating disasters, weddings, divorces, and restraining orders. From “18-Year-Old Miraculously Finds Soulmate In Hometown” to “Couple Forgets 70th Wedding Anniversary,” these reports capture the heartbreak and hilarity of the human experience.

The Onion is America’s Finest News Source. It is the last bastion of unbiased, reliable, and definitive news in a world dominated by superficiality, mediocrity, and non-Onion news outlets. Since its founding back in 1988, The Onion has expanded into an omnipotent news empire reaching millions of fans through print, broadcast, radio, online, and mobile outlets. Today, The Onion misinforms more than 1.5 million readers in print and 7.5 million online each month.

WIT AND WISDOM FROM A TO Z

With more than 3,000 quotations on everything from fashion and feminism to men, marriage, friendship, history, technology, sports, and more, this massive compilation proves once and for all that women know everything! Each page offers wisdom, wit, and inspiration from a host of legendary women—from Jane Austen and Colette to Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Toni Morrison, Liz Phair, Ellen DeGeneres, and Naomi Klein. Here’s what they have to say about:

Success
“I still have my feet on the ground. I just wear better shoes.”
—Oprah Winfrey

Men and Women
“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backward and in high heels.”
—Faith Whittlesey

Being Single
“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.”
—Elayne Boosler

Individuality
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”
—Judy Garland

Family
“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don’t be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at total strangers.”
—Maya Angelou

Quotations
“I always have a quotation for everything—it saves original thinking.”
—Dorothy L. Sayers

With contributions from writers, artists, celebrities, politicians, scientists, and legendary figures all over the world, Women Know Everything! offers addictive reading—and a superb reference—for women of all ages.