Fictional Characters Who Need to Hit That “Unfriend” Button

Posted by David Winnick

Almost everybody at some point in their life has had to pull the plug on a friendship. Maybe the person was a toxic presence or perhaps trouble just followed them wherever they went or maybe the people just grew apart. Whatever the reason may be, sometimes it is necessary to just cut the ties and run. We wanted to take a closer look at some of the literary friendships which should have been ended long before the story played out.


Louis and Lestat – Interview with the Vampire

It makes a fair amount of sense why Louis might be driven to hang around Lestat at the beginning of their relationship. A newly formed vampire in the late 1760s doesn’t really have a lot of options about how to learn basic existence skills. It isn’t like he can just open up a computer and google what to do when you find out you are a vampire. Still, his sire, Lestat, is an abusive, manipulative jerk who will do anything to control Louis. Guys, you're vampires, immortal beings of immense power. Just go your separate ways.


Horatio and Hamlet – Hamlet

It is one thing for a friend to ask for a secret to be kept. It is a completely different thing for a friend to ask another friend to keep a secret about how he is faking insanity in order to get his evil uncle to confess to the murder of his father. Hamlet’s unhinged plan eventually leads to the death of nearly everyone in the play with Horatio as the only person left to tell the tale. Truly Horatio should have cut ties with his friend before Hamlet drove the innocent Ophelia to madness and eventual suicide.


Crabbe, Goyle, and Draco – Harry Potter series

Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle aren’t necessarily the sharpest tools in the shed, but if they can't see that Draco Malfoy is constantly getting them in trouble, then they must simply not be paying attention at all. It seems like over the seven years of school the two would have realized that every time Draco starts a fight with Harry and his friends that they take the brunt of the comeuppance. They should drop Draco and learn to be nicer—maybe become Hufflepuffs.


Everyone and Cyclops – X-Men series

It is really easy to get behind Cyclops. For decades he was one of the best X-Men and one of Professor X’s go to heroes. He would swoop in and save the day, but over the years, he has become more and more unhinged and his decisions have been getting X-Men killed left, right, and sideways. At some point, it is time to call an audible on the guy and get out of the relationship. He has become the absolute worst. Even Magneto is more relatable. 


Henry Clerval and Victor Frankenstein – Frankenstein

Victor Frankenstein is the worst friend ever. He is constantly sucking every ounce of life out of everyone around him. His best friend, Henry, is in a perpetual state of picking up the pieces for Victor. No matter how many times Victor makes mistakes or doesn’t listen to his friend, Clerval pops in to help, and what does he get for it? Oh, just murdered by a massive monster who his supposed friend both created and pissed off. 


Channon Yarrow and Spider Jerusalem – Transmetropolitan

Not as bad as some of the other relationships on this list, Channon and Spider just aren’t super great together. Spider is a bit of an abusive jerk and Channon simply doesn’t deserve being constantly dressed down by a journalist with nothing but attitude. She has so many skills and abilities. She can easily get along just fine without Spider’s help.