Elfin Creatures Ranked By Coolness
Leprechauns are the general mascot of St. Patrick’s Day, which makes sense, since they’re from Irish folklore. But as far as tiny, magical elves go in general, should leprechauns be the most famous? Below, we present to you a definitive scientific study of tiny elfin coolness. You’re welcome in advance.
We have so many questions about the merits of the Keebler elves. Like, why are they so selfless? What does constantly making cookies do for them? We guess they would win “most charitable elfin creature,” but we’re talking about coolness here. They do make cookies, and cookies are delicious, but Ernie is fairly grandfatherly, but not in a good, funny way – a warbly-voiced, always-seems-exhausted sort of way. Dude’s gotta retire.
Occupation: 8 (Gotta give ‘em props for their fudge-per-cookie ratio.)
Dwelling: 6 (“Fac-tree.” We had to deduct points for the pun.)
General hardcored-ness score: 2
Unlike the Keebler elves, leprechauns have an air of mystery. Who knows where they live and what they do when humans don’t spot them? Plus, they seem to put their magical abilities to better use. They have the power to grant you wishes when they get caught, but they’re not known for treating humans fairly. We respect that. They’re smaller than us. They gotta protect their own.
Occupation: 4 (They make shoes, which is fine, we guess, but you don’t see a leprechaun wearing interesting, fashionable footwear. If shoes are such a huge part of their lives, you’d think they’d get more creative.)
Likelihood that they will mess with you: 9.5
General hardcored-ness score: 7.5
These tiny creatures tend to do their own thing and keep to the old ways. They are invisible but some humans can sense and communicate with them. The Icelandic Elves seem to have a lot of magical power.
Occupation: 6 (They’re farmers, shepards, that sort of thing. Points for having their own self-sustaining economy.)
Dwelling: 9.5 (Homes hardly get more hardcore than volcanic rock.)
Cult following: 8 (Apparently, around 50% of Icelanders believe in them.)
Territorial-ness: 9 (They’re willing to work with you, unless you mess with their home. If you do, watch out.)
General hardcored-ness score: 8
Sorry, leprechauns. Maybe we should get to work creating an Icelandic elf-themed holiday.