Bachelors in Literary Paradise

Posted by Danielle Mohlman

When Bachelor in Paradise premieres next month, we’ll be waiting with baited breath to see what kind of massive drama is going to pop up this time. Will John Paul Jones get stuck in a loop saying his name over and over again? (John Paul Jones. John Paul Jones.) Will Cam make us want to throw our remotes at the television. (Again?) Will Demi try to suss out who exactly is there for the right reasons?

One thing’s for sure, they’ll be on reality TV vacation in Mexico, not diving into the worlds of some of literature’s most incredible settings. But what if they were? Would it affect the outcome of the show? Would it change who arrived to film the show in the first place? There’s only one way to find out.


Bachelor in Middle-earth

The women from Colton’s season and the men from Hannah B.’s are definitely in for some company on this literary spin on Bachelor in Paradise. Not only will there be hobbits joining in on this adventure through Middle-earth, there are also sure to be dragons, wizards, and elves. We’re not sure how the producers are going to ensure an equal gender breakdown to start the show – it’s their land, after all – but we do know that this season will be one full of surprises. Our bet is Cam is definitely going to try to slime his way over to Arwen’s lair, calling her the future Mrs. Ayala. He’s in for a big surprise.


Bachelor in Wonderland

When former Bachelor in Paradise contestants Chris Randone and Krystal Nielson announced that they’d be getting married on this season of Paradise, the producers decided to switch things up and dive deep into Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Every season of The Bachelor needs a villain. Why not the Queen of Hearts? It’ll give the usual unsavory personalities a chance to come to terms with themselves in front of the looking glass.


Movie still from Harry Potter and the Socerer's Stone, Warner Bros

Bachelor in Diagon Alley

When the contestants of Bachelor in Paradise find themselves in front of an inn called The Leaky Cauldron, they’re a bit confused. Where are the sandy beaches? Where are the other impossibly beautiful people? Was this whole thing an elaborate prank orchestrated by ABC? But when they enter the establishment, they’re soon faced with something so much better than champagne: butter beer. John Paul Jones immediately starts to sort everyone into houses, claiming that his long blonde hair makes him a prime candidate for Slytherin. We all know that he’s really a Hufflepuff with too much misplaced charisma.  


TV still from Sherlock, BBC & Hartswood Films

Bachelor of Baker Street

If the Bachelor in Paradise contestants found themselves in the middle of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Demi would love every minute of it. She’d form a quick alliance with Sherlock Holmes himself, sharing her suspicions that half the guys here have girlfriends at home and the other half are here for the wrong reason – whatever that reason is. She doesn’t have any evidence to go off of. But before she started filming the show, a friend of an ex-girlfriend of one of the guys DMed her and is that enough to move forward on a full investigation? Plot twist: Watson crashes the set uninvited to share what he’s been holding inside for far too long. He’s in love with Sherlock. Will he have him? Tune in next week on Bachelor of Baker Street.


Bachelor and the Chocolate Factory

Throw a bunch of spoiled men – half of whom left their jobs to be on their show, half of whom are personal trainers with way too flexible schedules – into a chocolate factory and someone is bound to get lost. Okay, maybe not lost, but definitely sent the way of bad eggs and other Oompa Loompa punishments. The producers are sure to have a difficult time getting the women to participate in this version of Bachelor in Paradise. None of them packed proper footwear for the factory floor.