Worst-Case Wednesday: How to Deal With a Nightmare Roommate

Posted by Jennifer Murphy

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It’s very likely that for most of your young adult life, you are going to have to deal with the character-building experience of living with roommates.

In today’s tough economic times, it’s just not financially practical for most people to live on their own in their twenties. Living with another person can be tough—people never let on about how gross, irresponsible, loud, or lazy they are, so choosing your roommate can be a shot in the dark. So, how do you deal with a bad roommate? The easiest way is probably to be passive aggressive with the roommate instead of direct and to-the-point. I would guess that such an approach would yield better, faster results.

At any rate, it would be FUN!

To get you started, here are some handy tips from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College to get you started.

How to Deal With a Nightmare Roommate:

1. Cover foul odors. Burn incense or spray air freshener to mask your roommate’s scent. To better circulate the incense, place it in front of an open window or oscillating fan.

2. Secure your possessions in locked storage containers. To discourage theft or misuse of your belongings, lock as much as possible in safes, military-issue foor lockers, trunks, and other lockable storage containers. Long, flat containers can be places under your bed for further protection.

3. Divide the room in half. Draw a line down the center of the room to designate your own private space. Remember that you’ll have to share the door.

4. Leave a bar of soap on his pillow.

5. Put neglected dirty dishes in your roommate’s bed.

6. Gather long-unwashed clothes into a pile. If the pile of dirty clothes isn’t remedied after a week, transfer the pile to trash bags and seal tightly to eliminate odors. If the bags remain after several weeks, put them in the trash.

7. Misalign the satellite dish. Disrupt the constant blare of sporting events by redirecting your roommate’s satellite dish.

8. Buy your roommate concert tickets. If your roommate never leaves the room, buy him a ticket to an all-day concert, a movie, or a sporting event. Do not ask your roommate if he wants to go; just purchase the ticket—the farther away the event, the better.

Be aware. If you notice any of the following in your room, you may have a giant nightmare roommate: giant speakers, lack of toiletries, machete, more than 15 stuffed animals