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TV still from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

One of the most iconic TV shows to ever hit the air was the fantastic Buffy the Vampire Slayer starring Sarah Michelle Gellar in the titular role. This show was by far one of the most popular shows of its time, spawning its own well received spin off in Angel, and of course a slew of comic books, all of which met with acclaim. Still, throughout the series, Buffy fought an ever reproducing cadre of no name vampire foes. Some eventually left the ranks of irrelevant to become famous in their own right like Spike and The Master, but who really remembers the names of the thousands dusted along the way? Perhaps it is time to consider the outcomes of a Buffy fight against some real tough vampire foes.

 


Movie still from the Bram Stoker's Dracula IMDB page

1) Dracula

Yeah, yeah, sure the show claimed that Buffy fought the most famous of vampires, but did she really? Buffy the Vampire Slayer fought a parody of Bram Stoker’s blood sucker, a weak facsimile who had her friend Zander hilariously eating bugs as a sight gag. The real Dracula, the one presented in the pages of Stoker’s chilling novel, he would have been a battle for the ages. Relentless and cunning Dracula would have torn Buffy’s world apart.

 

 

2) Blade

This battle could go one of several ways. While not a full vampire, it is likely Buffy would first mistake Blade for a blood sucking fiend. Their first encounter would end in a stalemate with each character heading home to lick his or her wounds, but it would all turn when Buffy found Marvel’s vampire hunter out wandering during the daytime. Once they realized what each of them were about, it would be an epic team-up, but until that point, it would be a hardcore throw down.

 

 

via GIPHY

3) Colin Robinson from What We Do in the Shadows

Buffy would easily see every single one of the vampires from What We Do in the Shadows coming from a mile away. Their classic Goth style and thick stereotypical accents are a dead giveaway, but not with Colin Robinson, the energy vampire who feeds off of sucking your will to live. By the time Buffy and the rest of the Scooby Gang figured out what was going on, Colin would have them as puddles on the floor too sapped of energy to do anything but watch him saunter away.

 

 

4) Carmilla

Carmilla is a sly one, slipping into the good graces of people before really sucking them dry. In this case, she would enter into the group as a conceivable pairing for Willow Rosenberg. The two would likely hit it off at an LGBTQ gathering and Carmilla would be in the gang. Still, Buffy is the wary type and doesn’t like just anybody entering the lives of her friends and family. It might take a while, but she would figure it out for sure and another one would bite the dust.

 

 

5) Bunnicula

Buffy has always concerned herself with the human end of things, but what about when vampirism crosses over into the animal world? This 100% feels like a Zander moment with Anya dead and gone, that frees Zander up to have his own fluffy bunny. After all, he did once ask to find “a cult of bunny worshipers.” Finding his vegetables drained dry and white from lack of nutrients Zander would figure out that his rabbit was doing the vitamin C letting. Freaked out by the prospect of animal to human vampirism transference, he would likely hand off the fluffy little monster to Buffy for staking. Buffy is a kind soul though and would likely give Bunnicula to Spike to keep his lonely soul company.

 

 

6) David

Tiered of the Santa Cruz sorry, sorry, Santa Clara Boardwalk, David and his crew from the Lost Boys decide to take a trip down to Sunnydale. Finding out that The Slayer is there, he decides he is going to up his game by killing Buffy. Unfortunately for him, his 1980s fashion, and insane mullet are a dead giveaway, so Buffy takes the fight to them. The battle would rage on for days until Spike presented himself as a kindred Billy Idol rip-off and once implanted in the group takes them out one by one, leaving David to fight Buffy on his own. It would be a bloody fight, but Buffy would triumph in the end.       


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