Ah, toast. A staple of breakfasts, poor students, busy people in need of a bite, and of course, millennials everywhere (but only when topped with avocado). Just a slice of bread, heated by the magic of a toaster until it becomes warm, filling, crunchy, and the perfect way to get all kinds of delicious toppings into your mouth. Simple.
Less simple, of course, is the other kind of toast. The kind where someone has to get up in front of friends and family and say a few words. Ideally, words that are kind, funny, interesting, illuminating…and not too long. So in honor of National Toast Day on February 23, we’ve rounded up some of the most memorable toasts in pop culture, whether they're good, bad, or awful!
Annie’s Engagement Toast, Bridesmaids
"Really quick! Speaking of Consuelo, Lillian and I took Spanish together in school. And so, I would just like to say to you and to everyone here, 'Gracias para vivar en la casa, en la escuelas, en...en la azul...markada. Tienes con bibir en las Fortuashla.' And gracias!"
Let's start with one of the most cringeworthy toasts in film: Annie’s engagement toast in Bridesmaids. Not only is this memorable because it’s terrible, but because it beautifully sets up the dynamic for the rest of the film. Annie’s original toast is short and sweet, but as the bride’s intimidating new friend launches into hers, Annie feels the need to try and prove that her friendship is more meaningful and misses the mark by a mile. The result is awkward and has nothing to do with cheering on the bride herself. Thankfully, Annie and Lillian make up by the end, but not after many more awkward one-upmanship moments.
Ted’s Tears, How I Met Your Mother
"The love between Joel and Mora is magnificent. I thought I had the same thing...until my fiancee left me at the altar last week. I was asked not to talk about that, so I won't." (pause) "I sit outside her house at night sometimes."
In How I Met Your Mother, Ted Mosby becomes known for bursting into tears when giving wedding toasts, usually because he has to give them at the worst moments of his life. Like when one when his architecture business failed. And one when his fiancee left him at the altar. His tendency to break down in tears during toasts is so legendary that a remix of his speeches has become a Swedish hit. But our favorite? It’s not the ones that show why people shouldn’t make speeches when horribly sad, but the one where he cried tears of joy because he found out Lily was pregnant…and accidentally revealed that the bride was too, ruining her wedding. Oops.
Samantha’s Pun, Sex And The City
"Hey, d*ckwad, I'm speaking… Now, there were times when we had our doubts about this gorgeous man. But after careful observation over the last hundred years, my doubts are over. So here's to the groom...a man who finally got 'Carrie-d' away."
Admittedly, including the phrase "Hey d*ckwad" in a toast is a little unconventional, but that’s Samantha to a T. And what else what she supposed to do when some drunk idiot was interrupting her? However, the rest of her toast is beautiful, from the refusal to embarrass her friend for the sake of tradition, to the celebration of the couple, and of course, the cute little pun at the end. Perfection!
Outlander’s Classics, Outlander
"Here’s to a long life, and a merry one; a quick death, and an easy one; a pretty girl, and an honest one; a stiff whiskey, and another one."
Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series is packed with classic toasts that are perfect to steal for those time that you don’t want to come up with anything new to say. From the traditional toast above to shorter ones such as the one Jamie gave on his wedding night (“To a lady of grace, a woman of strength, and a bride of astonishing beauty. My wife, Claire Fraser”), these time traveling adventures are all about whiskey and celebration. Or, to borrow another fantastic toast from the series, “to whiskey and freedom!”
Dumbledore’s Few Words, Harry Potter series
"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
Finally, who can forget the shortest, sweetest, and silliest toast of them all? When Dumbledore faces the Great Hall full of hungry Hogwarts students in the Harry Potter series, he knows that the best toasts are the ones that don’t take too long…so that everyone listening can get to the feast! That’s why the few words he would like to say are quite literally that: four completely random words. And now you know what to do when called on to make a toast when you have absolutely no idea what to say.
What favorite toasts from pop culture would you like to toast to? Tweet @quirkbooks and let us know!