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The big day is finally here! You, yes YOU, managed to score an invite to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s birthday party. You’ve never been one for contests but when you saw The Rock posting about this one you just HAD to enter. And good thing you did! You’ve now got one invitation to his big blowout birthday bash. Advertised guests include ________ [ACTOR], ________ [MUSICIAN], and ________ [PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER] and there are sure to be plenty more!

 

You don’t want to be late so you put on your best ________ [ARTICLE OF CLOTHING] and head out the door to the ________ [VEHICLE] The Rock has sent to transport you to the party. As you climb in, a ________ [ADJECTIVE] realization hits you: you forgot to get a present!

 

Immediately you ask the driver if you can stop by ________ [STORE] on the way to the party. He obliges and soon you’re at the information desk. What do you get The Rock for his birthday? If ever there has been a man who has everything, he’s the one. All of a sudden it hits you! You could get him a ________ [NOUN]! You have an attendant show you where they are, pick one out, get it gift wrapped, and get back in the ________ [SAME VEHICLE].

 

Your driver drops you off in front of a giant ________ [KIND OF BUILDING]. Every celebrity you’ve ever heard of is visible through the windows and partying on the lawn, playing ________ [PARTY GAME] and ________ [POOL GAME] in the massive swimming pool. It’s only just now that you realize you may be in over your head. What are you even doing here? You aren’t supposed to be hanging out at a party between ________ [CELEBRITY] stuffing their face with mini sandwiches and ________ [ATHLETE] bicep curling Beyonce’s children! You’re just a kid from ________ [YOUR HOMETOWN].

 

Sheepishly you make your way indoors, plucking a plate of ________ [FOOD] from the party spread by Gordon Ramsay as you do. Maybe if you move quick you can drop off your gift, thank The Rock for inviting you, and head home before you embarrass yourself.

 

Too late! You just slipped on the dress of ________ [FEMALE CELEBRITY] and fell flat on your face — and knocked over a massive platter of The Rock’s favorite sushi on your way down! Everybody is staring. The DJ’s record literally scratches. It’s tense. There’s sushi everywhere. This might be the most embarrassing moment of your life.

 

Suddenly a big burly arm yanks you up off the ground. Before you know it you’re face to face with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Is he going to be mad at you? Lord knows that man loves his sushi, and you just ruined a whole platter of it! And you tripped over one of his guests! Your budding friendship with The Rock could be over before it’s even started.

 

Before you can even apologize, The Rock flashes that million-dollar smile and starts picking up the sushi himself. You’re ________ [ADJECTIVE]. You knew The Rock was a great guy, but this great? Get outta town. As he finishes up, he turns to you and asks what your favorite song is. You stammer for a moment and then tell him, ________ [YOUR FAVORITE SONG]. He nods to the DJ who immediately cues up your track. Everyone gets back to partying. It’s like nothing happened in the first place!

 

The Rock introduces himself and shows you over to the ball pit, which is currently occupied by The Rock’s French bulldog Hobbs as well as ________ [CELEBRITY]. He encourages you to dive in, but not before taking your gift off your hands. You start to apologize, saying that there’s a gift receipt inside if he already has one and needs to exchange it, but he cuts you off and explains that all of his gifts will be donated to charitable causes. “After all,” he says, “I’ve got everything I need right here.”

 

With that, you ________ [ADVERB] dive into the ball pit. Immediately Hobbs showers you with ________ [NUMBER] licks. As you bask in the glorious light of The Rock’s birthday party your nerves melt away. How could you ever have been nervous to hang out with the nicest guy in showbiz?

 

And with a final thunderous ________ [EXCLAMATION], The Rock leaps into the ball pit, cramming his mouth with a handful of sushi as he does it, with you and his dog. You’re hard-pressed to think of a more ________ [ADJECTIVE] birthday party you’ve ever had the pleasure of attending.


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Tres Dean

Tres Dean is a culture and comics writer. He has written extensively about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson online and has been published by GQ, Paste, Syfy, Geek.com, UPROXX, IGN, Looper, and more. For Your Consideration: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is is his first book.