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In celebration of this year's National Library Week—and Library Workers' Day, Bookmobile Day, and Teen Literature Day—I’ve decided that between Netflix seasons, and on break from the Voorhees, Kimmy Schmidt will be working as a librarian. A gosh-darn good one too! Plus it’s a perfect place for her to fill in the fifteen years she missed while in the bunker and catch up on some reading.

So while you’re honoring your library by checking out books, eBooks, movies, giving your librarian a nice card for being awesome, or finally returning that book you’ve had since the fourth grade—you know who you are—Kimmy will be helping her friends in the best possible way, selecting books for them to read. And because Kimmy is so considerate these selections will be spoiler free.

Now that she’s been in the city long enough to realize what Mikey, the catcalling construction worker, was doing, Kimmy has selected Caitlin Moran’s How to Be a Woman so he can read a mile in a woman’s shoes. She still likes his yellow hat.

 

Wanting Titus Andromedon to fulfill his dream of stardom, she’s bringing home with her The Measure of a Man: A Spiritual Autobiography by Sidney Poitier and Neil Patrick Harris: Choose Your Own Autobiographybecause who doesn’t love a Choose Your Own Adventure? No, really who? Kimmy will read you one until you realize how awesome they are!

 

Kimmy knows Lillian Kaushtupper would love a good Thelma-and-Louise-political-thriller filled with conspiracy theories out the wazoo, but she’s smart enough to know Lillian doesn’t need anymore fuel in that department. Instead, she steers her to Manhattan Mayhem, certain the mystery stories set in the city she loves will be perfect, and David Shafer’s thriller Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

 

Immediately after reading the ARC for Louise O’Neill’s Only Ever Yours, Kimmy storms into Dr. Franff’s office and makes him read the book. Of course she watches him the entire time because she’d never let an ARC out of her sight. Also, she wants to make sure he understands the point of the book before having him check a mole on her back.

 

Knowing that anyone who reenacts a scene from Ghostbusters has to be a major fan, Kimmy selects the Ghostbusters, Volume 1 graphic novel for Dong Nguyen, along with Shirley Hughes’ Hero on a Bicycle.

 

On its release day, Kimmy purchases and ships Becky Albertalli’s Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda to Cyndee Pokorny and Brandon Yeagley with a personal note written on her Lisa Frank stationery.

 

For Logan Beekman, the self proclaimed daddy’s boy, Kimmy has checked out Robert A. Morris’ Dolphin, Cristina Henriquez’s The Book of Unknown Americans, and the Share Bear Shines DVD hoping he’ll learn some basic dolphin facts, empathize with immigrant families, and relearn some lessons on sharing, caring, and friendship.

 

After learning how to properly spell Xanthippe, Kimmy is shocked she doesn’t already have a library card and promptly issues her one. Wanting Xanthippe to learn you can be who you are even when surrounded by peer pressure and living in a wacky family she has her check out Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl, Maria Semple’s Where’d You Go, Bernadette and National Geographic’s Field Guide to the Birds of North America.

 

And last but not least Kimmy has decided to help Jacqueline Voorhees turn over a new leaf and gives her: Burn My Heart at Wounded Knee: An Indian History of the American West by Dee Brown; Ariah Fine’s Clean Water for Elirose; Grace’s Guide: The Art of Pretending to Be a Grown-Up by Grace Helbig; and Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything. For starters. There will be more book piles for Jacqueline.


What fictional character would you love to see working at your local library? And how will you celebrate National Library Week/Day this year?


Jamie Canaves's picture

Jamie Canaves

Jamie Canaves creates for Dinky Cow, tumbles, chirps, writes, and loves everything ‘80s. Her happily-ever-after is living inside a seaside bookstore equally stocked with chocolate—please slide pizza under door.