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DM: You sure you want to play a Lawful Good character? You usually play more ruthless guys.


JAVERT: No, it’s cool. I want to stretch myself.


DM: Okay, it’s in the prison that you meet Jean Valjean, who was arrested for stealing a loaf of bread.


JEAN: Hi, there.


JAVERT: Don’t talk to me, you filthy degenerate thief! What’s his prison number?


DM: What? Why?


JAVERT: It’s really important to me that I know his prison number.


JEAN: Um, okay. It’s…uh…"24601."


JAVERT: What did I just say about opening your thieving mouth?!?!




DM: Okay, the bishop offers you food and shelter. Roll your wisdom to think of a good way to pay him back for his kindness.


JEAN: I rolled a 1.


DM: You rob the old man blind.




FANTENE: I don’t really like my character.


DM: What’s wrong with her?


FANTENE: Well, she was fine until you had her fired, sold all her belongings, had her teeth ripped out and forced into a life of prostitution…you know, maybe it’s not the character. Maybe it’s this game I don’t like.


DM: We can still do something cool with her.


FANTENE: You do whatever you want. I’m gonna go play Overwatch.




DM: Okay, Jean, you can try to lift that cart if you want, but that’s going to be a heck of a strength check.


JEAN: Natural 20!


JAVERT: I recognize Jean due to his incredible strength!


DM: That is…next to impossible. Role your Investigation skill.


JAVERT: Natural 20!


DM: What is with these dice?


JAVERT: I arrest Jean immediately.


DM: You can’t do that.


JAVERT: Sure I can, I’m the police.


DM: You sure you’re playing Lawful Good?


JAVERT: Okay, okay. I go to his place of work to see if I can find evidence of his criminal nature.


JEAN: I’m going to bluff him.


DM: Okay, roll your Deception skill.


JEAN: Uh…a 2.


DM: You invite him in.




JAVERT: Hey, what’s with those innkeeper NPCs you keep bringing in?


DM: The Thénardiers? They’re fun! Don’t you think they’re fun?


JAVERT: They’re not as fun as you think they are.


DM: Jean thinks they’re fun.


JEAN: Not really.


DM: Okay, okay, fine. They’re just in, like, three or four more scenes. No big deal.




DM: Some of the student protestors have formed a barricade.


JAVERT: I convince them I am one of them.


DM: What? You’re like, a middle-aged man. These are a bunch of kids.




DM: Fine, roll your Deception.


JAVERT: Natural 20!


DM: I really need to look at your dice.




JAVERT: Finally, I have you, you thieving scoundrel! No one gets away with stealing bread on my watch.


DM: This really isn’t Lawful Good behavior.


JEAN: I convince Javert to give me an hour, so I can find a doctor for Marius.


DM: Okay, let’s have this be a contest. Your Charisma vs. Javert’s Wisdom.


JAVERT: I rolled a 14.


JEAN: I got a 12…


JAVERT: AHA! Your pleas fall on deaf ears, thieving scum!!!


JEAN: …plus my modifier is…16.




DM: That’s a success.




DM: Javert? Buddy?


JAVERT: …Whatever. This game is stupid. And you’re stupid. And I’m leaving.


DM: So…I guess Javert jumps off a bridge and drowns?

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