DM: You sure you want to play a Lawful Good character? You usually play more ruthless guys.

 

JAVERT: No, it’s cool. I want to stretch myself.

 

DM: Okay, it’s in the prison that you meet Jean Valjean, who was arrested for stealing a loaf of bread.

 

JEAN: Hi, there.

 

JAVERT: Don’t talk to me, you filthy degenerate thief! What’s his prison number?

 

DM: What? Why?

 

JAVERT: It’s really important to me that I know his prison number.

 

JEAN: Um, okay. It’s…uh…"24601."

 

JAVERT: What did I just say about opening your thieving mouth?!?!

 

***

 

DM: Okay, the bishop offers you food and shelter. Roll your wisdom to think of a good way to pay him back for his kindness.

 

JEAN: I rolled a 1.

 

DM: You rob the old man blind.

 

***

 

FANTENE: I don’t really like my character.

 

DM: What’s wrong with her?

 

FANTENE: Well, she was fine until you had her fired, sold all her belongings, had her teeth ripped out and forced into a life of prostitution…you know, maybe it’s not the character. Maybe it’s this game I don’t like.

 

DM: We can still do something cool with her.

 

FANTENE: You do whatever you want. I’m gonna go play Overwatch.

 

***

 

DM: Okay, Jean, you can try to lift that cart if you want, but that’s going to be a heck of a strength check.

 

JEAN: Natural 20!

 

JAVERT: I recognize Jean due to his incredible strength!

 

DM: That is…next to impossible. Role your Investigation skill.

 

JAVERT: Natural 20!

 

DM: What is with these dice?

 

JAVERT: I arrest Jean immediately.

 

DM: You can’t do that.

 

JAVERT: Sure I can, I’m the police.

 

DM: You sure you’re playing Lawful Good?

 

JAVERT: Okay, okay. I go to his place of work to see if I can find evidence of his criminal nature.

 

JEAN: I’m going to bluff him.

 

DM: Okay, roll your Deception skill.

 

JEAN: Uh…a 2.

 

DM: You invite him in.

 

***

 

JAVERT: Hey, what’s with those innkeeper NPCs you keep bringing in?

 

DM: The Thénardiers? They’re fun! Don’t you think they’re fun?

 

JAVERT: They’re not as fun as you think they are.

 

DM: Jean thinks they’re fun.

 

JEAN: Not really.

 

DM: Okay, okay, fine. They’re just in, like, three or four more scenes. No big deal.

 

***

 

DM: Some of the student protestors have formed a barricade.

 

JAVERT: I convince them I am one of them.

 

DM: What? You’re like, a middle-aged man. These are a bunch of kids.

 

JAVERT: So?

 

DM: Fine, roll your Deception.

 

JAVERT: Natural 20!

 

DM: I really need to look at your dice.

 

***

 

JAVERT: Finally, I have you, you thieving scoundrel! No one gets away with stealing bread on my watch.

 

DM: This really isn’t Lawful Good behavior.

 

JEAN: I convince Javert to give me an hour, so I can find a doctor for Marius.

 

DM: Okay, let’s have this be a contest. Your Charisma vs. Javert’s Wisdom.

 

JAVERT: I rolled a 14.

 

JEAN: I got a 12…

 

JAVERT: AHA! Your pleas fall on deaf ears, thieving scum!!!

 

JEAN: …plus my modifier is…16.

 

JAVERT: …

 

DM: That’s a success.

 

JAVERT: 

 

DM: Javert? Buddy?

 

JAVERT: …Whatever. This game is stupid. And you’re stupid. And I’m leaving.

 

DM: So…I guess Javert jumps off a bridge and drowns?

A Book You May Enjoy