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The Purge series of films—and now upcoming television show—imagines a not-too-distant alternate reality where all crime is legal for one 12-hour period every year. Apparently, this leads to impressively-costumed murder-gangs. But if all crime is legal, what are the people who aren’t particularly bloodthirsty during this time of prosecution-immunity? What are the book lovers doing?

 

Publishing Fanfic

Copyrights no longer matter in a world without laws. Forget about posting your fanfic online for free—you can publish anything during Purge Night. Superman? Yours to play with. Mickey Mouse? Disney can’t stop you. Even those tight-fisted skinflints the Great Ormon Street Hospital must release their grasping hands, and let you do to Peter Pan whatever your heart desires. And all can be sold for cash! For one night, your greatest fanfic dreams can be a financial reality!

 

Returning Long-Overdue Library Books

Listen, all crimes are legal on Purge Night. All of them. Even ones the librarians enforce. Drop all those embarrassingly overdue library books right at the desk. No skulking about the book drop for you! You can look any librarian you like right in the eye. They can’t fine you, it’s Purge Night.

 

Shoplifting

Looting is a common element in The Purge series, but it seems limited to jewelry stores and robbing houses. We all know that bookstores would be hit HARD. Just run through the shelves, dumping whole genres to take home. Might as well break into an IKEA on the way home; you’re gonna need some more shelves.

 

Touching Old Manuscripts

So many libraries have a “rare book” section that is not open to the general public. Theses old manuscripts are usually reserved for scholars, or other librarians, or people who schedule appointments. But guess who doesn’t need an appointment on Purge Night? EVERYONE! Throw those locked doors open, and gaze on some Lord Byron originals, why don’t you?

 

Snuggling Winnie the Pooh

The original Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Eeyore and Kanga are on display in the New York Public Library, carefully positioned behind a glass case. But glass can be broken, and will be, because those stuffed animals need to be cuddled. What are they going to do, arrest you? It’s Purge Night. You squeeze that bear stuffed with fluff as long as you want!


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Jared Axelrod

Jared Axelrod is an author, an illustrator, and a world changer. Throughout her eventful life she has also been a circus performer, a puppeteer, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that she’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it. She is the writer and producer of “The Voice Of Free Planet X” podcast, were she interviews stranded time-travelers, low-rent superheroes, unrepentant monsters and other such creature of sci-fi and fantasy, as well as the podcasts “Aliens You Will Meet” and “Fables Of The Flying City.” The story started in “Fables Of The Flying City” is concluded in The Battle Of Blood & Ink, a graphic novel published by Tor. She is not domestic, she is a luxury, and in that sense, necessary.