DM: You sure you want to play a Lawful Good character? You usually play more ruthless guys.
JAVERT: No, it’s cool. I want to stretch myself.
DM: Okay, it’s in the prison that you meet Jean Valjean, who was arrested for stealing a loaf of bread.
JEAN: Hi, there.
JAVERT: Don’t talk to me, you filthy degenerate thief! What’s his prison number?
DM: What? Why?
JAVERT: It’s really important to me that I know his prison number.
JEAN: Um, okay. It’s…uh…"24601."
JAVERT: What did I just say about opening your thieving mouth?!?!
DM: Okay, the bishop offers you food and shelter. Roll your wisdom to think of a good way to pay him back for his kindness.
JEAN: I rolled a 1.
DM: You rob the old man blind.
FANTENE: I don’t really like my character.
DM: What’s wrong with her?
FANTENE: Well, she was fine until you had her fired, sold all her belongings, had her teeth ripped out and forced into a life of prostitution…you know, maybe it’s not the character. Maybe it’s this game I don’t like.
DM: We can still do something cool with her.
FANTENE: You do whatever you want. I’m gonna go play Overwatch.
DM: Okay, Jean, you can try to lift that cart if you want, but that’s going to be a heck of a strength check.
JEAN: Natural 20!
JAVERT: I recognize Jean due to his incredible strength!
DM: That is…next to impossible. Role your Investigation skill.
JAVERT: Natural 20!
DM: What is with these dice?
JAVERT: I arrest Jean immediately.
DM: You can’t do that.
JAVERT: Sure I can, I’m the police.
DM: You sure you’re playing Lawful Good?
JAVERT: Okay, okay. I go to his place of work to see if I can find evidence of his criminal nature.
JEAN: I’m going to bluff him.
DM: Okay, roll your Deception skill.
JEAN: Uh…a 2.
DM: You invite him in.
JAVERT: Hey, what’s with those innkeeper NPCs you keep bringing in?
DM: The Thénardiers? They’re fun! Don’t you think they’re fun?
JAVERT: They’re not as fun as you think they are.
DM: Jean thinks they’re fun.
JEAN: Not really.
DM: Okay, okay, fine. They’re just in, like, three or four more scenes. No big deal.
DM: Some of the student protestors have formed a barricade.
JAVERT: I convince them I am one of them.
DM: What? You’re like, a middle-aged man. These are a bunch of kids.
DM: Fine, roll your Deception.
JAVERT: Natural 20!
DM: I really need to look at your dice.
JAVERT: Finally, I have you, you thieving scoundrel! No one gets away with stealing bread on my watch.
DM: This really isn’t Lawful Good behavior.
JEAN: I convince Javert to give me an hour, so I can find a doctor for Marius.
DM: Okay, let’s have this be a contest. Your Charisma vs. Javert’s Wisdom.
JAVERT: I rolled a 14.
JEAN: I got a 12…
JAVERT: AHA! Your pleas fall on deaf ears, thieving scum!!!
JEAN: …plus my modifier is…16.
DM: That’s a success.
DM: Javert? Buddy?
JAVERT: …Whatever. This game is stupid. And you’re stupid. And I’m leaving.
DM: So…I guess Javert jumps off a bridge and drowns?