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The new film The Prodigy explores what happens when your child is too smart for their own good. As in, the kind of smartness that, naturally, leads to murder (what other alternative could there be?) But what do you do if you happen to give birth to such a genius hellion? Here’s a series of games you can play with your supernaturally intelligent toddler and stave off the destructive impulses that super-genius paradoxically creates!

 

Simon Says

This classic is a perfect way to introduce your child to instructions. You are Simon, and you child must do what you say. “Simon says touch your toes.” “Simon says jump up and down.” “Simon says put down the bone saw.” The key words are “Simon says.” If you say “Touch your head,” and they follow the command, they lose the game. Be sure to say “Simon says” when your little genius comes at you with a death ray they made out of the blender.

 

Hot and Cold

This game involves you being a little sneaky! Take something your child loves—the nuclear reactor they made out of LEGO, or that human foot that they never explain how they got—and hide it. Have them look for it, saying “Hot,” when they get close and “Cold” when they get far away. They should be so enthralled by the search you should be able to slip away from their murderous clutches without them noticing.

 

Hide and Seek

This is an excellent way to teach your child problem-solving skills while keeping yourself safe from the lobotomized neighborhood dog that only obeys your child’s commands. Be sure to pick a good place to hide! Your child’s rage is growing by the minute!

 

Obstacle Course

You can’t hide forever. Time to run. But with their new Erector Set exo-skeleton, they’ll very quickly out pace you. Fortunately, you can turn the elements of your home and yard into a debris-strewn obstacle course to keep your child at a safe distance. You’ll also be helping develop their motor skills!

 

Odd One Out

Gather a bunch of blocks of one color, but add in one from another color. Once your child has a look at the blocks, ask them which one is the odd one out. Tell them that the odd one out is special, and must be protected at all costs. When there’s no where left to run, and your super-genius spawn is destroying all who oppose them, be sure to stand out from the crowd of ragged survivors. They’ll see you, realize you’re the odd one out, and spare your life in the apocalypse to come!


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Jadzia Axelrod

Jadzia Axelrod is an author, an illustrator, and a world changer. Throughout her eventful life she has also been a circus performer, a puppeteer, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that she’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it. She is the writer and producer of “The Voice Of Free Planet X” podcast, were she interviews stranded time-travelers, low-rent superheroes, unrepentant monsters and other such creature of sci-fi and fantasy, as well as the podcasts “Aliens You Will Meet” and “Fables Of The Flying City.” The story started in “Fables Of The Flying City” is concluded in The Battle Of Blood & Ink, a graphic novel published by Tor. She is not domestic, she is a luxury, and in that sense, necessary.