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Much like an unstoppable animated corpse that seeks on your destruction, the Mamma Mia film series has returned with a sequel, Mamma Mia! Here I Go Again. With Lily James, the star of Pride And Prejudice And Zombies, joining the cast as a young version of Meryl Streep’s character, it’s hard not to imagine how a zombie-filled, ABBA-inspired musical might go. Probably something a little like this…

 

ALI: Sure is sad that your mom died preparing for your wedding.

SOPHIE: Yeah. I’ll miss her. Too bad she died before she could meet the three strangers I invited to the island in the hopes that one of them is my father.

LISA: Strange how the only burial plot on this idyllic Greek island was that place the locals kept saying was cursed.

SOPHIE: This idyllic Greek island is full of weird superstitions. Like this revolver that weird peasant woman insisted I carry since we buried Mom.

ALI: Well, as your bridesmaids, we—what’s that coming over that idyllic Greek hill?

SOPHIE: It looks like…my mom?

DONNA: (sings to the tune of “Mamma Mia”)

I've been dead for while, since I don't know when
So I thought we were through, but death is not the end

Look at me now, a walking corpse.
I don't know how, but I since I crawled
From that hole
I’m a body without a soul...

I’m undead, just some shambling remains
I’m undead and I’m craving your brains, woah-oh oh-oh

Mamma mia, here I live again
My my, how can you resist me?
Mamma mia, the dead walk again
My my, your bullets all have missed me
Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I will never let you go

 

*****

 

SAM: I know we are three strangers who never met before arriving on this idyllic Greek island, but I think we all need to understand that Donna, the love of our youth, is a zombie.

HARRY: Are you sure?

BILL: Pretty sure. That’s why I’ve tied her up.

DONNA: (sings to the tune of “Take A Chance On Me”)

Let me eat your brains, no need for restraints
Honey, I'm still me – just now a zombie
Please join me, be undead, don’t run around
‘Cause you've got no place to go, I will run you down

Forget your life, you know that it’s full of strife
Honey, the dead are free - take a chance: zombie!
Being undead is the best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance: zombie (That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance: zombie...

We can go lurching (Ah-ah), it will be thrilling (Yeah)
As long as we're together (As long as we're together)...
Terrorize some locals (Ah-ah), maybe just killing (Yeah)
For deader is better (Deader is better)...

 

*****

 

SOPHIE: Looks like the entire population of this idyllic Greek island has been turned into zombies, including my family, friends, fiancé, and the three strangers I hoped might be my dad.

CAST: Eurrrrghghggh!

SOPHIE: (sings to the tune of “Dancing Queen”)

I can kill, I’ll survive
I’m in the fight of my life
Ooh, no one left, in the world
Guess I’m the final girl

Friday night and the dead remain
Looking out to eat my brains
But they don’t know I’m ready, got my axe to swing
They come for an ass-kicking

Anybody could be undead
My adrenaline overwhelms my dread
With my weapons ready, everything is fine
I’m in the mood for a war

And here comes the zombie horde...

I am the final girl
Young and strong, give my axe a whirl
Final girl
Watch the wave of blood and gore swirl, oh yeah

I can kill, I’ll survive
I’m in the fight for my life
Ooh, no one left, in the world
Guess I’m the final girl


Quirk Tested, Reader Approved.

Jared Axelrod's picture

Jared Axelrod

Jared Axelrod is an author, an illustrator, and a world changer. Throughout her eventful life she has also been a circus performer, a puppeteer, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that she’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it. She is the writer and producer of “The Voice Of Free Planet X” podcast, were she interviews stranded time-travelers, low-rent superheroes, unrepentant monsters and other such creature of sci-fi and fantasy, as well as the podcasts “Aliens You Will Meet” and “Fables Of The Flying City.” The story started in “Fables Of The Flying City” is concluded in The Battle Of Blood & Ink, a graphic novel published by Tor. She is not domestic, she is a luxury, and in that sense, necessary.