Classic Literature As Limericks

Posted by Jadzia Axelrod

Who has time to read a whole novel these days? With expediency in mind, here are classic works of literature condensed to that most indispensable of poetic forms, the limerick.

Les Miserables

Val Jean, who stole a baguette

Leaves prison without paying his debt

During the French Revolution

He finds a solution:

Be a good dad to his daughter, Cosette

Oliver Twist

Oliver was a boy who was born poor

And caused a row when he asked for more

He falls in with thieves,

Escapes his half-brother’s misdeeds

And declines to settle the score

The Handmaid’s Tale

Offred had her rights removed

By a regime that just wanted her brood

But the Mayday resistance

Offers questionable assistance

And despite qualms, Offred vamoosed

Beloved

Sethe and Denver answer a ghost’s call

And let her have the run of the hall

But as the ghost hangs around

Denver calls in the town

Because slavery leaves scars on us all

The Great Gatsby

Gatsby has himself a scheme

To re-seduce the girl of his dreams

But a billboard with eyes

Watches all of his lies

And he ends up floating downstream

Ulysses

Both Dedalus and Bloom profess

That philosophy is anyone’s guess

They pad around Dublin

Both pub-out and pub-in

But it all hinges on Molly’s “Yes”

Pride & Prejudice

Liz had a poor opinion of Darcy

Because he did not like to party

But as she got to know him

Her love began to grow in

Though she told him off for being a smarty!

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Jadzia Axelrod is an author, an illustrator, and a world changer. Throughout her eventful life she has also been a circus performer, a puppeteer, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that she’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it. She is the writer and producer of “The Voice Of Free Planet X” podcast, were she interviews stranded time-travelers, low-rent superheroes, unrepentant monsters and other such creature of sci-fi and fantasy, as well as the podcasts “Aliens You Will Meet” and “Fables Of The Flying City.” The story started in “Fables Of The Flying City” is concluded in The Battle Of Blood & Ink, a graphic novel published by Tor. She is not domestic, she is a luxury, and in that sense, necessary.