It is that time of year again where overeating is not only socially acceptable but encouraged. The food is the most delicious during the annual feast season. Though Americans love the holiday season as both a time to catch up with family as well as a time to gorge ourselves on fattening foods, it could be a total terror for some of the characters of the comic book world. Imagine how horrible Thanksgiving would be if you might end up on the wrong side of the fork.
Howard the Duck
Though Thanksgiving dinner traditionally revolves around a turkey too big to cook properly, historical documentation does not actually support this main dish. It was stated in accounts of the original meal that some type of water fowl was served, likely duck or goose, which puts Marvel’s cigar smoking curmudgeon Howard the Duck on the chopping block. If properly cooked over an outdoor flame to make some crispy skin, Howard would make a great centerpiece to a huge meal.
The interim director of the FDA in John Layman and Rob Guillory’s fantastically comedic comic book Chew, Agent Breadman had better keep an eye open during the holiday season. Composed entirely of bread, this character has the double whammy of being a side dish in and of himself or possibly being torn apart to become the main ingredient in a casserole of dressing. Nothing like a little bit of sentient bread on the side of dinner.
Squash was a main component in the first Thanksgiving. After stuffing yourself with protein and carbs, it is necessary to have at least a little bit of vegetable matter. As for the elusive My Little Pony character Sass Squash, he would be great slowly roasted and served with some cinnamon and brown sugar.
If you aren’t using at least two pounds of butter during the preparation of your festive meal, you aren’t doing Thanksgiving right. Fortunately for The Tick character Buttery Pat, he would be able to survive participating in the making of Thanksgiving. Pat is the henchman of The Breadmaker and is made completely of Butter. Need a pan greased or some melted butter for your dressing and mashed potatoes, ask Pat. He will be glade to provide.
Evan Dorkin’s comic Milk and Cheese follows two misanthropic dairy products through their day to day adventures. While it is rare to see cheese as a part of a Thanksgiving dinner, Milk is a necessity. Without milk, it would be impossible to make creamy mashed potatoes or pumpkin pie. Then of course, it is absolute necessary to have whipped cream. Best to give Milk a good whiff before using though, it would be awful if he had gone sour
Poor Mervyn Pumpkinhead, he is the ever put upon labor force of the dreaming in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman. This is just a bad time of year for Mervyn, first he can double as a decoration for Halloween but worse than that is the fact that his head is the main ingredient for what is arguably the most traditional Thanksgiving dessert. Who knows though, maybe he could luck out. Not everyone eats pumpkin pie, perhaps he will only encounter pecan or fruit pie eaters.
Speaking of fruit pies, the best way to have your dessert if you aren’t a pumpkin fan is a–la-mode. A scoop of vanilla over the top of a piece of pie will make even the lowly apple pie an amazing dessert. So where to turn when looking for the classic topping? How about X-Men villain Eye-Scream. This character appeared in only one issue of X-Men because of his truly lame mutation to turn himself into any flavor of ice-cream. As though his power weren’t lame enough, he makes things worse with his horrible play on words for a name.
Too Much Coffee Man
After stuffing your face, sometimes there is no more room for any more food. At the same time, it can also be almost impossible to get up from the table. That’s when it is time to call over Shannon Wheeler’s creation Too Much Coffee Man. While this manic character may be a little difficult to have as company, his massive coffee filled hat is just the thing any Thanksgiving enthusiast would need to fill in those wee hours after dinner. He may even bring along his friend Too Much Espresso Guy to wake up those in a tryptophan-induced coma