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One of a kid's favorite activities is writing to Santa (well, except for those whose parents told them an AWFUL LIE). In honor of those fond memories, we imagined our favorite fictional characters’ letters to Santa.

 

Odysseus from The Odyssey by Homer

Oh send me the gift, jolly fat man in a red suit, of a safe homecoming. I tire of sailing these wine-dark seas, and I miss my wife, faithful Penelope, and son, Telemachus, in Ithaca. I have fought the one-eyed Polyphemus and escaped Calypso’s embrace. Do not burden me with Hestia’s coal, but lead me back to my hearth.

 

Mr. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Dear Mr. Claus,

It is of great distress to me that I am endowed with many silly daughters and an even sillier wife. All I ask is that my two sensible daughters make respectable, happy matches. I also would be forever indebted to you if you would grant me some peace and quiet. It is near impossible to read in my household. I would be at your service if you could find some occupation for my wife other than endlessly prattling on to me.

Yours, etc.

Mr. Bennet

 

Jenny Wren from Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens

Dear Fairy Godmother in the North Pole,

Oh, I have so much to ask for here, but I feel as though I quite deserve it. I have created dresses for endless amounts of dolls, and I have had to be the person of the house. First of all, I should like you to repair my bad back. Also, would you please keep the Bad Child away from alcohol? He drinks too much of it, and he causes so much trouble. Finally, please send him (also known as the man I shall marry) as soon as possible. Please also ensure that he is not troublesome, because I know their tricks and their manners (and I want nothing to do with them).

Yours affectionately,

Jenny Wren

 

Winnie-the-Pooh from Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne

Dear Santa,

I cannot read or write, so I got Christopher Robin to write this letter for me. I would have asked Owl, but the last time I asked for his help there was a lot of commotion.  Please send me a lot of honey. Also, please keep the Heffalumps away. I have never seen them, but Piglet tells me they are quite scary. Finally, please stop me from getting stuck. It is quite a bother.

Love,

Pooh

P.S. If you don’t know where to deliver my gifts, I live in the Hundred Acre Wood.

 

Sebastian Flyte from Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Dear Santa (I feel as though we are on a first name basis),

I don’t need many gifts for myself this year; Mummy always loves to give me gifts. She likes everything to be a present. I am writing on behalf of Aloysius. He seems rather lonely, and he absolutely needs a bear companion. It must be done as soon as possible because he is drinking champagne alone, which you know is rather unhealthy.

Affectionately,

Sebastian Flyte 


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Sarah Fox

Sarah Fox is an editor, writer, writing consultant, and pop culture enthusiast. Besides regularly contributing to Quirk Books’ blog, she has published an edition of William Shakespeare's Measure for Measure. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and Pembroke Welsh Corgi. You can find her online at www.thebookishfox.com.