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The season of Renaissance Faires has arrived, and it's one of our favorite times of the year. It's one of the few times you can wear period clothing (or, in some cases, fairy wings and steam punk outfits) and aren't ridiculed—you're celebrated. There are jousts, hilarious comedy shows, and most importantly, TURKEY LEGS. While we know Ren Faires are already pretty awesome, we think our excitement would be elevated even more if our favorite literary characters ran the festival.

 

Ticket Seller: Willy Loman from Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller

Willy is unemployed and looking for a stable place to work. We have the perfect solution for him! He can work as a ticket seller at the Ren Faire. He can use his business background to sell tickets, and he can do it all in one location. Sure, it's only for a few months of the year, but we do think he needs a bit of a break in his later years. It's basically the perfect gig for him, and the solution to (some) of his problems. 

 

Costume Vendor: Jenny Wren from Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens

Jenny Wren is known as “The Dolls’ Dressmaker,” but we are pretty sure she could make rockin’ Renaissance outfits for real humans. We know she takes pride in her work, so her costumes would be beautiful and of the highest quality. An added bonus? She doesn’t suffer fools, so we are sure she would keep all the drunk people in line.

 

Mask Vendor: Phantom of the Opera from The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux

This one is a no-brainer. Who is a better person to sell masks than a guy who wears them all the time? We just hope that he would sell pretty peacock masks as well as the plain white half-mask. Variety is the spice of life.

 

Food Vendor: Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

We all know that the food vendors have the most fabulous foods at the Ren Faire. Cheesecake on a stick? While this a clear “heck yes” for us, we're sure Willy Wonka could make the food even better. We are positive he could somehow dip a turkey leg in chocolate and make it delicious. And he could draw attention to his stand by using his Oompa Loompas as criers.

 

Labyrinth Manager: Daedalus from Greek Mythology

We can think of no better person for the job of running the labyrinth than Daedalus. He created the famous labyrinth in Crete, so we know that he could upgrade the current ones in the festival. We would just have to request that he not include a Minotaur in it.

 

Jousting Knight: Lancelot from Arthurian Legend

This one is pretty obvious. Other than maybe Gawain, we can't imagine a better person for the job than Lancelot. Besides, it might be a good distraction for him. Instead of spending his time sleeping with his best friend’s wife, he could entertain people with his jousting skills.

 

Comedian: Falstaff from The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare

Falstaff is the most hilarious character in Shakespeare, so we would love to see him do comedy routines. We would just have to keep him away from the turkey legs and beer... he would empty them out. 


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Sarah Fox's picture

Sarah Fox

Sarah Fox is an editor, writer, writing consultant, and pop culture enthusiast. Besides regularly contributing to Quirk Books’ blog, she has published an edition of William Shakespeare's Measure for Measure. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and Pembroke Welsh Corgi. You can find her online at www.thebookishfox.com.