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Bartenders are kind of superheroes already, considering everything they have to juggle, so it makes sense to imagine them as magical. One of our newest books, Last Call at the Nightshade Loungeis all about monster-fighting bartenders who gain magical powers from mixing (and drinking) the perfect cocktail. Which got us thinking: what other fictional bartenders could benefit from a little magic? Here are a few:

Guinan

You might be thinking, “What does Guinan need magic for? She’s already one of the smartest and most mysterious beings on the Enterprise. Plus her headwear is fantastic.” All this is true. But if she had magic, she could probably stop bar brawls without resorting to her energy rifle. She can hold her own without magic, but you know she’d handle a bit of extra enchantment really well.

Horace and Pete

Horace and Pete would probably use their newfound magic to bring more customers into their bar. But not too many customers! Enough to save the bar, but not too many that it becomes a hipster hangout. Gotta keep the “douche tax” going.

Sweet Dee

We’re a little scared at the idea of Sweet Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia having magical powers, but also a little excited? With magic, the terrible things she does to people would only get more outlandish. And she’d probably become a more suave bartender, too.

Nick

Can you imagine Nick from The New Girl magical powers? He’d be a slightly more together Nick! Forget invisibility—Nick would use magic to aid his laziness. Like, he doesn’t do laundry anyway, but with magic, his clothes would stay clean. When he tries to fix things around the apartment, they’d actually be fixed. And he could keep the birds away from his tomato plants.

Moe

Out of this whole list, Moe would possibly be the bartender most transformed by magic. He’d definitely use it to change his looks and become more of a ladies’ man. Maybe that would make him less grumpy? You know his various underhanded dealings in the bar would only increase with magic, though. 


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Eve Legato

Eve Legato enjoys gifs, trashy reality TV, literary fangirling, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @evelegato.